Because Putting a Condom on a Banana Doesn’t Cut It
Growing up gay comes with its own set of unique experiences, setting us apart from our straight peers in ways that extend far beyond the obvious. For many of us, these differences impact our emotional and social development, leaving lasting impressions as we come of age. Yet one area that often remains overlooked is sex education—or rather, the lack of sex education that's relevant to us as gay men.
Reflecting back, even the basic sex education offered in schools barely skimmed the surface, often failing to provide useful information. When many gay men come out, they quickly realize how little of the sex education they received actually applies to them. The guidance needed to understand their bodies and relationships as gay men is often absent, leaving them without the support necessary to navigate what’s truly relevant to their lives.
The State of Sex Education in America: An Alarming Landscape
The current state of sex education in the United States reveals a troubling picture, marked by outdated statistics, inconsistencies across states, and a lack of comprehensive coverage. Recent research highlights how American teens have wildly different experiences with sex education, if they receive any formal instruction at all.
While some statistics suggest that as many as 96% of teens had received formal sex education as of 2010, more recent data from 2017 indicates a decline, with only 76% of teenagers reporting such education. This discrepancy points to a downward trend, as earlier studies from the 1990s suggested that 80% of teens were receiving sex education. These fluctuating numbers reveal the challenge in measuring what qualifies as "formalized sex education," as definitions and standards vary widely.
Inconsistent and outdated statistics aside, a more recent report from Sex & Psychology in January 2022 sheds light on the current landscape. According to this report, 21 states still do not require any form of sex education, leaving many teens without foundational knowledge. Even in states that mandate sex education, quality and accuracy are not guaranteed. In fact, two-thirds of these states do not require the provided materials to be medically accurate, leaving room for vague or even misleading advice that may lack any scientific basis.
This patchwork approach to sex education has severe implications. Adolescence is a formative time when young people benefit from clear, inclusive information about their bodies, relationships, and sexuality. Regardless of their sexual orientation or activity level, they deserve medically accurate, unbiased information to make safe, informed choices. Unfortunately, the lack of standardized, inclusive sex education leaves many vulnerable, navigating these complex issues with inadequate guidance.
Shortfalls in Sex Education: The Reality Behind the Numbers
The disparity between the average age of first marriage (nearly 30) and the average age of first sexual experience (16 to 17) highlights a significant gap. This 15-year span represents a formative period in many people’s lives where they make critical choices about relationships, sex, and health. Yet, the data reveals that our current sex education framework is ill-prepared to support them through this journey.
That same Sex & Psychology report outlines these statistics around sex education requirements across the United States, which further illustrates the issues:
- Contraception Education: Only 20 states mandate that sex education includes information about contraception.
- Medical Accuracy: Shockingly, only 18 states require that sex or HIV education is medically accurate.
- Abstinence Instruction: In 39 states, abstinence information is mandated as part of sex education. Of these, 28 states stress abstinence, and 19 specifically mandate teachings on saving sex for marriage.
- Sexual Orientation: Just 15 states mandate discussions on sexual orientation in sex education, with only 11 of those ensuring that the information is inclusive. In contrast, five states mandate that only negative information about sexual orientation is included.
- Religion in Sex Education: Three states prohibit sex or HIV education programs from promoting religious content.
- Consent and Outcomes: 11 states require discussions on sexual consent, while 18 states mandate instruction on the negative outcomes of teen sex.
- Parental Opt-Out: In 36 states, parents can choose to remove their children from sex education classes.
- Cultural Relevance: Only nine states require that sex education is culturally appropriate and unbiased.
This wide range of approaches reveals deep inconsistencies in what students learn based on their location. With so few states mandating comprehensive, inclusive, and medically accurate sex education, young people are often left navigating critical aspects of their health and relationships with limited support. And these statistics only cover general sex education, pointing to the urgent need for reform and inclusivity in curricula nationwide.
The Lack of LGBTQ+ Inclusive Sex Education: A Dangerous Gap in Schools
A 2019 survey by the Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Education Network (GLSEN) examined the experiences of over 16,000 students, ages 13 to 21, across various aspects of school life, including safety, discrimination, and sex education. Despite growing calls for inclusivity, the survey revealed a sobering reality: only 8.2% of students reported receiving any form of LGBTQ+ inclusive sex education.
Currently, just 10 states and Washington D.C. require sex education that includes information on sexual orientation, while four states permit curricula that portray homosexuality in a negative light. This lack of inclusive sex education creates real risks—not only for LGBTQ+ youth but for all students. Research shows that insufficient sex education can lead to high-risk sexual behaviors and unintended pregnancies, while negative or stigmatizing information on LGBTQ+ topics can compound feelings of shame and trauma among LGBTQ+ youth.
GLSEN outlines a vision for a truly inclusive approach to sex education, one that integrates LGBTQ+ perspectives throughout the curriculum. Such an approach refrains from assuming heterosexuality as the default, challenges rigid gender binaries, and gives thoughtful attention to transgender issues and identities. GLSEN also suggests that this inclusivity would benefit non-LGBTQ+ youth as well by promoting understanding and dispelling harmful myths about LGBTQ+ people and experiences.
Addressing this gap is essential to providing all students with the knowledge, respect, and support they need to navigate their identities and relationships safely and confidently. Despite the proven benefits of inclusive curricula though, GLSEN notes that this comprehensive approach remains rare in American schools today.
Building a Foundation for LGBTQ-Inclusive Sex Education
The Human Rights Campaign (HRC) outlines several crucial steps to establish LGBTQ-inclusive sex education and create safer, more accepting environments for LGBTQ youth:
- Advocate for LGBTQ-Inclusive Sex Education: Encourage school districts, educators, and lawmakers to support curricula that cover LGBTQ topics, so all students receive relevant, inclusive information.
- Ensure Schools Are Safe and Accepting Spaces: Schools should foster an environment where LGBTQ students feel secure and respected, free from discrimination and bullying.
- Expand Access to Inclusive Education: LGBTQ-inclusive sex education should be available across schools, community centers, and online platforms, ensuring accessibility for all.
- Encourage Parental Dialogue: Parents play a significant role by having open, supportive conversations with their children about sex and sexuality.
- Eliminate Legal and Policy Barriers: Work at the state level to remove restrictions that prevent inclusive sex education, making it a standard in all school curricula.
Several organizations also provide essential resources to support LGBTQ-inclusive sex education, including the Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States (SIECUS), Planned Parenthood, and Advocates for Youth. These groups offer curricula, policy guidance, and educational materials to help bridge knowledge gaps and foster a more inclusive understanding of sexual health for LGBTQ youth.
Promoting these changes and supporting resource-rich organizations can lead to a more supportive and informed environment for LGBTQ students across the country.
Confronting Internalized Homophobia Through Inclusive Sex Education
Many individuals within the LGBTQ+ community face challenges related to internalized homophobia, a struggle rooted in the scarcity of representation and education in a predominantly heteronormative society. This lack of visibility often results in inadequate sex education that fails to address the specific needs of LGBTQ+ individuals, perpetuating harmful stereotypes and misinformation about sexuality and health.
To effectively combat these issues, it is crucial to promote inclusive sex education that encompasses the realities of LGBTQ+ experiences. Without access to comprehensive, affirming education, individuals may cling to antiquated beliefs that paint them as “diseased” or “dirty,” which can lead to significant barriers in forming intimate relationships and accepting their own identities. Ultimately, LGBTQ+ youth who receive inclusive sex education are better equipped to understand their sexual health and engage in healthier relationships.
Furthermore, addressing these internal struggles requires both self-reflection and open dialogue with partners about sexual health and comfort levels, regardless of relationship structures—whether monogamous, polyamorous, or otherwise. It is essential for individuals to understand their own risk levels and to have honest conversations about these topics. In an environment that promotes inclusivity, young people can learn to navigate their sexuality without the fear of stigma or misinformation.
As societal attitudes continue to evolve, there is hope that future generations will benefit from a more comprehensive and affirming approach to sex education, ultimately reducing internalized homophobia and fostering healthier, more fulfilling relationships.
By confronting these deep-seated issues and advocating for inclusive sex education, the LGBTQ+ community can work toward dismantling the barriers that hold individuals back and pave the way for a future free from stigma and fear.
And remember. Every day is all we have, so you've got to make your own happiness.
For more information on this topic, listen to Episode 30. Gay Sex Education (or the Lack Thereof).
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