“Dare to Desire”
For many gay men, the journey to self-acceptance is deeply entangled with the weight of religious trauma. Messages of shame, rejection, and fear of eternal damnation from religious teachings often create internal conflicts that undermine one’s sense of self-worth and identity. These scars can inhibit the ability to fully embrace love and desire. Healing from the wounds inflicted by rigid doctrines is crucial—not only for personal well-being but also for reclaiming the freedom to love oneself, connect with others, and live authentically.
Reconciling Faith and Sexuality: Healing Religious Trauma
Reconciling faith and sexuality presents a unique challenge for many gay men. Feelings of rejection and isolation often dominate this process, as religious spaces may dismiss their identities while parts of the LGBTQ+ community may question their spiritual beliefs. Life coach Eric Feltes, who supports LGBTQ+ individuals in cultivating self-love, has shared his experiences with this dual struggle, which highlights a broader reality faced by many queer people as they navigate the intersections of faith and identity.
Although religious teachings frequently emphasize love, compassion, and kindness, these ideals are often overshadowed by exclusionary practices within institutions. Many gay men have heard that their identities are incompatible with their faith, leading to profound spiritual and personal conflict. Healing often begins with separating personal spirituality from the constraints of organized religion, allowing individuals to connect with a higher power in ways that honor both their faith and their authentic selves.
Spirituality, reimagined through the lens of love rather than fear, can become a source of strength rather than shame. For many, this redefinition fosters deeper empathy and self-understanding, transforming pain into growth. Embracing one’s queerness as an integral part of identity often strengthens this newfound connection to spirituality. Through a more inclusive and compassionate understanding of faith, gay men find the freedom to heal and thrive.
However, this healing is deeply personal, with no universal approach. While some leave organized religion entirely, others reshape their faith to align with their values. Both paths require introspection and courage but ultimately lead to peace and self-acceptance. Whether through prayer, meditation, or a focus on love, these journeys demonstrate that spirituality and sexuality are not incompatible but can coexist in harmony.
Embracing Self-Love: Overcoming Religious Trauma Through Community
The lasting scars of religious trauma can create environments where queerness is equated with shame. This rejection can feel isolating, but the path to self-love and healing is rarely solitary. Eric describes this process of "unbecoming"—letting go of harmful beliefs—as a vital step toward authenticity and self-acceptance.
Unlike traditional therapy, which often focuses on unpacking the past, life coaching emphasizes actionable steps for the present and future. For gay men grappling with the intersections of spirituality and sexuality, coaching programs like Shame Free Gay Life offer practical tools to dismantle internalized negativity and rebuild confidence. These programs leverage the power of community and vulnerability, providing safe spaces where participants can confront their trauma and cultivate healthier relationships with themselves and others.
A recurring challenge for gay men with religious trauma is the feeling of never being "enough"—not Christian enough for religious spaces, nor queer enough for LGBTQ+ communities. Programs designed for this niche directly address these struggles, fostering environments of mutual understanding and solidarity. By sharing experiences and engaging in guided discussions, participants begin to replace shame with strength, learning to see their queerness as a source of empowerment.
This journey often involves embracing vulnerability and fostering trust within supportive communities. The relationships formed in these spaces become models for healthier, judgment-free connections in the broader world. Through coaching and self-reflection, participants redefine their faith and sexuality on their terms, proving that these aspects of identity can coexist and enrich one another.
Overcoming Religious Shame: A Path to Healing for Gay Men
Religious trauma frequently instills patterns of shame, people-pleasing, and suppressed desires in gay men, stemming from environments that label their identities as sinful. This compounded guilt can manifest in perfectionism, fear of judgment, and avoidance of self-expression. Yet, through intentional work and community support, these patterns can be challenged and rewritten.
Supportive environments and intentional practices can help individuals identify and break free from harmful beliefs tied to religious trauma. Through reflection and small, actionable steps, individuals can begin aligning with their authentic selves—whether by exploring new experiences, pursuing personal goals, or reconnecting with faith in more inclusive ways.
These efforts often lead to transformative life changes, such as building meaningful relationships or embarking on new personal or professional ventures. By daring to desire and taking bold steps, gay men reclaim their worth and create lives centered on self-love and authenticity.
Embracing Fear and Taking the Next Step
Overcoming religious trauma is no small feat, and the journey is often accompanied by fear. But fear can be a guide, signaling growth and the potential for transformation. It’s natural to feel hesitant when stepping into unfamiliar territory—your body craves the familiarity of what it’s known, even if it no longer serves you.
Recognizing this fear as a remnant of old patterns, like the one that may have kept you closeted, is essential. Instead of allowing it to hold you back, let it motivate you to draw a line in the sand and take a leap toward your authentic self. Growth requires discomfort, but it also paves the way for a life filled with love, connection, and fulfillment.
The choice to step into your worthiness and let go of what no longer aligns with you is an act of courage. By embracing this fear and taking action rooted in self-love, gay men can rewrite their narratives and live a life that celebrates their truth.
And remember: every day is all we have, so you've got to make your own happiness.
For more information on this topic, listen to Episode 62. Let Go of Your Religious Trauma (with Eric Feltes).
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