The "Forgotten" B in LGBTQ+
In the rich tapestry of LGBTQ+ identities, one letter often fades into the background: the B. Despite its prominent place in the acronym, bisexuality frequently faces skepticism—not only from outside the queer community but within it as well. These doubts, rooted in misconceptions, fuel bi-erasure, the tendency to overlook or invalidate bisexual identities.
Bi-erasure manifests in numerous ways, from dismissing bisexuality as a "phase" to portraying it as indecision or a stepping stone toward identifying as gay or straight. These stereotypes not only invalidate lived experiences but also contribute to feelings of isolation and misunderstanding. Whether through a lack of media representation or dismissive attitudes within queer spaces, bisexuality often struggles to claim its rightful visibility. To truly embrace inclusivity, we must confront these misconceptions and amplify the voices of bisexual individuals.
Defining Bisexuality: Beyond the Binary
Bisexuality is commonly defined as romantic or sexual attraction to more than one gender. This definition, though straightforward, fails to capture the full range of experiences bisexual individuals have in their lives For many bisexual individuals, like Sam McClain, it is not about choosing between two genders or living with fixed preferences, but rather embracing the fluidity of attraction to multiple genders. She explains that bisexuality involves attraction to both men and women, but also recognizes the reality that "types" or preferences can shift across gender lines.
Bisexuality challenges the dominant societal narrative that dictates that one’s sexual identity must be either gay or straight. This duality ignores the experiences of those who are attracted to a spectrum of genders. Embracing bisexuality, then, is about expanding our understanding of human attraction beyond narrow boundaries and acknowledging the full complexity of individuals' sexualities.
Discovering Identity: Personal Journeys
For many bisexual people, the journey to recognizing their own identity often begins during adolescence or early adulthood. Early attractions to the same sex, which may have been misinterpreted as mere admiration or a desire for friendship, are sometimes only fully understood later in life. In many cases, these feelings are shaped by societal norms and internalized heteronormativity, leading bisexual individuals to question or suppress their desires.
Growing up in conservative or religious environments can complicate this self-discovery, as the fear of rejection or judgment from family, friends, and peers can feel overwhelming. For some, acknowledging their bisexuality feels like a betrayal of cultural or familial expectations. The process of self-acceptance may take years, and for some, it involves reinterpreting childhood or adolescent experiences. Many bisexual people look back at past crushes or early relationships and realize they were more than platonic, but only after having the vocabulary and understanding to identify these feelings as part of their sexuality.
For others, acceptance comes through support from friends, understanding partners, or a more positive relationship with media representations of bisexuality. These individuals can find solace in seeing bisexual characters or public figures who openly embrace their identity, allowing them to visualize what their own journey could look like. Ultimately, self-discovery is a deeply personal process, shaped by social, familial, and personal experiences.
Societal Barriers and Stereotypes
Despite growing visibility, bisexuality remains one of the most misunderstood and stigmatized sexual orientations. Many people still harbor stereotypes about bisexual individuals, such as the belief that they are indecisive, promiscuous, or only experimenting before settling into a more "conventional" identity. These harmful stereotypes create an additional layer of complexity when bisexual individuals try to come out to friends, family, or partners. They often face the burden of defending their sexuality against skepticism or doubt, which can make self-acceptance even more difficult.
The sexualization of bisexuality adds to these struggles, particularly for bisexual women, whose identities are often reduced to fantasy or spectacle, rather than recognized as a legitimate sexual orientation. Social scenarios—like women kissing at parties for male approval—illustrate how bisexuality is often trivialized rather than respected. Meanwhile, bisexual men performing a similar act would likely be mocked. This double standard reinforces the notion that bisexuality in women is inherently sexualized, while in men it is seen as suspect or invalid.
The Hidden Bias of Bi-Erasure & Stereotypes
Bi-erasure is not just about the absence of bisexual representation in media; it’s about the broader societal tendency to invalidate bisexuality as a legitimate orientation. When bisexual people are in relationships, the erasure of their identity is common: a bisexual individual in a same-sex relationship may be assumed to be gay, while someone in a different-sex relationship may be labeled straight. This erasure leads to confusion, isolation, and a lack of recognition in both LGBTQ+ and straight spaces.
Media plays a critical role in challenging or perpetuating bi-erasure. When bisexual individuals are portrayed as one-dimensional characters who are confused or unsure about their identities, it reinforces the notion that bisexuality is not a valid, stable orientation. Authentic representation—where bisexual characters are allowed to exist without being reduced to a stereotype or plot device—helps normalize bisexuality and challenge the idea that it is a transitional or less valid orientation.
Meanwhile, a pervasive myth about bisexuality is the idea that bisexual people are just "confused" or unwilling to make up their minds about their sexuality. This notion undermines the validity of bisexuality, suggesting that it is a temporary stage before an individual picks a side—gay or straight. In truth, bisexuality is a fully realized sexual orientation in its own right, marked by an enduring attraction to multiple genders. Just as a straight person can commit to a partner while finding others attractive, a bisexual person can have deep emotional connections and maintain monogamous relationships regardless of gender.
Another harmful stereotype is that bisexuality is synonymous with promiscuity or a lack of commitment. This misconception often leads to mistrust in relationships, with bisexual individuals unfairly assumed to be more likely to cheat or have open relationships. In reality, relationship dynamics are determined by the values and communication of the individuals involved, not by their sexual orientation. Bisexual people are just as capable of fidelity and deep emotional commitment as anyone else, regardless of gender.
Combating Bi-Erasure and Promoting Inclusion
To combat bi-erasure and foster acceptance, it is crucial to implement strategies that promote understanding and visibility, including:
- Education: Dispelling myths about bisexuality as a phase or fetish helps build a foundation of understanding.
- Representation: Increasing visibility of bisexual people in media and leadership underscores their experiences and challenges stereotypes.
- Community Support: LGBTQ+ spaces must affirm bisexual identities, creating environments where all members feel seen and valued.
- Challenging Assumptions: Calling out invalidating comments or beliefs helps shift societal perspectives toward inclusivity.
Embracing the Spectrum of Sexuality
As society continues to evolve, embracing the full spectrum of identities, including bisexuality, is essential to fostering inclusivity and understanding. For individuals questioning their sexuality, it’s important to remember that self-discovery is a journey, not a race. Navigating this process can be challenging, but finding safe spaces and trusted individuals to confide in can make all the difference.
Bisexuality, like all sexual orientations, is valid and deserving of recognition. Challenging societal stereotypes, confronting bi-erasure, and fostering open conversations are crucial steps toward creating a world where every identity is respected. Within the LGBTQ+ community, unity means embracing the diversity of experiences and ensuring that every letter of the acronym feels seen and supported.
Whether you’re questioning, coming to terms with your identity, or supporting someone on their journey, the path to authenticity is deeply personal. By embracing openness and rejecting rigid beliefs, we create room for understanding, growth, and the celebration of our unique truths. Together, we can cultivate a more inclusive society, one that values every individual for who they are.
And remember: every day is all we have, so you've got to make your own happiness.
For more information on this topic, listen to Episode 59. Say Bye Bye Bye to Bi Erasure (with Sam McClain).
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