83. Best of Guests (So Far): Part 1

Episode Introduction (0:20)

Rob Loveless

Hello, my LGBTQuties, and welcome back to a very special episode of A Jaded Gay. I'm Rob Loveless, and that's right, I know I said I was taking a little hiatus, which I am.

But you know, as the year's coming to a close, I thought it was really important to kind of take a look back because for me, personally, 2023 has been one of the worst years of my life.

And I think I've said that for 2022 as well, but this year was tougher. I mean, lots of good things happened, don't get me wrong. But it just was a struggle.

And there was a lot of hardships going through. And hopefully, I went through that to come out on the other side of 2024 stronger and ready for the future.

But going in theme with that, I also realized too, that this year, there were a lot of guests that came on to the podcast, which I loved. Because for myself, I only have one experience, and that's my own.

So, I really appreciate getting others on to hear their experiences, especially as it relates to the LGBTQ+ community because, like I said before, there's not a one-size-fits-all for being gay, just like there's not a one-size-fits-all for being straight.

So, I think it's really important to share unique queer experiences on the podcast beyond just my own.

So, with that being said, I thought I'd take the opportunity to put together this Best of Guests (So Far) episode, to just replay some of the highlights from those guest episodes.

So, no tarot today, nothing special, no jaded versus non-jaded. We're just gonna get right into it.

So, without further ado, I hope you enjoy this.

Being an Ally with Cheyenne Filipczyk (1:44)

Rob Loveless

Today, I am very excited to have my friend Cheyenne Filipczyk with me today. She is a business owner and badass. I am very excited to welcome my friend, Cheyenne.

Cheyenne Filipczyk

Hi, thanks for having me in your closet.

Rob Loveless

Oh, isn't it cozy?

Cheyenne Filipczyk 

It's nice to be in here.

Rob Loveless 

Oh, I know.

Cheyenne Filipczyk

Very warm.

Rob Loveless 

Yes. Recording in the summertime. I mean, I can't move my arms because I don't want to offend you. I'm very sweaty.

Cheyenne Filipczyk 

It's intimate. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Rob Loveless

I know it's it's just lovely. I don't know if I smell you or me right now both of us combine. We're going to put on face masks later, we'll smell good.

Cheyenne Filipczyk 

Yeah.

Rob Loveless

I'm glad you said you identify as an ally because I definitely agree with that. I mean, I feel like you've always been someone who's been socially aware, even, like in high school.

And I remember like, when I came out, you never just viewed me as, like, you know, a gay best friend or GBF. Like, you know, some people do like, oh, I just want a gay shopping buddy.

It wasn't anything like that. Like I was still just like your friend who was also gay like it had nothing to change with our dynamic, which I think is the way it should be.

So, like I said, I consider you to be an ally because I think you check the box for all those things.

Cheyenne Filipczyk

Thank you.

Rob Loveless

Of course. So, I guess really to kind of like, kick off the conversation then, when do you remember first starting to speak up for LGBTQ+ people?

Because the reason I'm asking is I remember in high school, like, you know, my family was religious and it wasn't spoken about, but because it wasn't spoken about, you know, you kind of just got the assumption that it's not good.

Um, so I always kind of had this, like, you know, weight on me in high school and being afraid to, like, associate with gay people because I didn't want to be thought of as being gay.

But I think, like, even in high school, like you were pretty, even though there weren't a lot of like, out people in our high school, I think you were someone who's still pretty accepting of that.

So, you know, sorry, ask you a question that went on a long-winded rant. Anyway, like I said, when do you first remember, like, you know, feeling like a supporter of the LGBTQ+ community?

Cheyenne Filipczyk

So, the very first time I remember anything coming up that made me quite emotional was when that whole thing was happening with the military. What was it? Don't Ask, Don't Tell. I remember.

Rob Loveless

Yeah, that was the 90s with Clinton, I think.

Cheyenne Filipczyk

Well, I remember talking about it in high school, and I was sitting at the dinner table with my mom and my two brothers.

And for some reason that topic came up, and my brothers were making some asshole comments about if they were ever in the military, they would, I think one of the comments was something about beating one of them up.

Of course, that's horrible. And I was crying, and my mom told me that I was too soft and that, that wasn't the right way to be.

And I think it was at that time that I realized that, you know, someone has to be in their corner, because no one should be made to feel that way. So, it had to be, I would say maybe 15.

It really came to me that that's just not the way you should treat people, and anyone should be able to feel or love whoever they want to.

And I don't know why I remember that dinner conversation so much, but the feeling that comes over you when you really care about something is it just it will always be with you.

Rob Loveless

Yeah. And like, I said, like, I mean, in high school, because, again, not that, like, I was like, anti-gay. I was just closeted and scared.

But like, you know, it wasn't something that, like, I ever wanted to talk about, or even, like, consider ideas of, like, you know, talk about, you know, a guy who had a boyfriend, or talk about anything, you know, LGBTQ+ related, because there was that fear of association.

But I felt like there was never that like, obstacle with you. Like you were just, like, open about talking about it. You know, you were there, like you said, you want to be in the corner for anyone.

You know, you're pretty aware of, you know, social issues in general, but specifically with LGBTQ+ equality like you know, you, it wasn't something you shied away from.

Cheyenne Filipczyk

For sure. I think there was also something happening with me as well, where I knew that I was feeling attracted to women at the time, and it wasn't that I ever felt the need to put any kind of label on it.

It was just I knew that I had feelings for boys. I knew I had feelings for girls, and I only ever acted on boys because that was what you did.

So, it took really coming into my middle to late 20s to realize that it was okay, and I think that all of that allyship has really strengthened, especially in the past few years, because you would think we would progress, but we are not.

I mean, we are in a lot of things, but still a struggle.

We Are Family: Part 1 with Michelle Loveless (5:47)

Rob Loveless

And speaking of reacting emotionally, I am very excited to introduce our new guest.

She's got a cute face and a nursing degree and is too pretty to be working full-time. I'd like to welcome to the show my sister, Michelle.

Michelle Loveless

Hi.

Rob Loveless

So, I guess just to kick it off, Michelle, do you want to talk about, I don't know, your experiences growing up and kind of maybe realizing when you got a bit more to like the dating stages and how that dynamic played and like if there's any self-consciousness or how mom and dad approached dating and relationships with you.

Michelle Loveless

Honestly, I think that anyone would say this. I've been boy-crazy.

And I was always even super young like in like preschool and kindergarten. I was always super open with my parents and pretty much everyone on who I had a crush on.

Like, I was never embarrassed, never anything like that. So probably middle school was when I started actually like calling a boy my boyfriend.

And I would literally just be like, Oh Mom, my boyfriend, Connor...let's name job, we all have an ex. Like, I'd be like, oh mom like Connor's gonna come over.

And she would just be like, Okay. And then like, I don't know, all my boyfriends always about my parents. We always hung out at my house.

It was just never anything out of the ordinary or never anything that I thought anything about.

Rob Loveless

I do think it's all different too because especially when you go back to dating younger, like middle school, it's...dating then isn't seen as like, necessarily a sexual thing or like a married partner thing.

It's just, it's like, you come home from school and and you talk to somebody on the playground, you're like, oh, this is my girlfriend now. This is my boyfriend.

So, there's not so much that lens of like the sexuality part of it, so to speak.

Michelle Loveless

Puppy love.

Rob Loveless

Exactly.

Michelle Loveless

It's puppy love.

Rob Loveless

Whereas like, I don't know, as you've gotten older.

Like for myself, personally, and obviously never really dated in middle school or anything, but like, when I got older, and when I started dating, like my first concern was like, if I ever introduced somebody to Mom and Dad, is their immediate thought gonna be like, oh, yeah, they're sexually involved with each other, you know?

Like, there's like a sexual component to it. Are they going to see that before like the partnership or the person I bring home?

Like, has that ever been a thought on your mind with anyone you've dated as you've gotten older and a little bit more serious of relationships?

Michelle Loveless

I mean, it has been. And I've had boyfriends come on family vacations and I've had boyfriends sleep over. Or I've slept at a boy's house. I mean, Mom was with me when I was put on birth control. So, it's like, you know, like, it is open, but it's a part of relationships. So, while it might not be the most comfortable thing for myself, or my mom, I was just like, well, here's what it is. Here's what's happening. So, take it or leave it. They have to love us unconditionally. So, I tell them that.

Rob Loveless

Yeah, she does tell too much. I was on the phone with Michelle the other day, and she's like, Yeah, Mom says point blank. I share too much with her.

Michelle Loveless

Yeah, I'm an oversharer.

Rob Loveless

Don't your co-workers say that too?

Michelle Loveless

My coworkers said, Michelle, you're an oversharer. I was like, that's a great word to describe me. I'm gonna use it all the time.

Rob Loveless

All right. Okay. So going off of that. Quick, fun fact, or whatever, I guess, what's a recent overshare that you've shared with somebody recently?

Michelle Loveless

Like with mom, or with anyone?

Rob Loveless

Anyone. Just a recent one.

Michelle Loveless

I mean, I met this random man in Philadelphia, and I did kiss him lots of times. And my friend took a picture and I showed my mom. I was like, how cute? Like, how cute is that? And like, yeah, no, like we haven't talked since and he did post a picture of his girlfriend three days later, but...look at this pic, Mom.

Rob Loveless

I can't. See that's something I can't even imagine. Like, I don't want, I want to be, if I ever have like a boyfriend that she meets. I want us to be in separate rooms like I don't want us to like...

Michelle Loveless

What do you mean?

Rob Loveless

Like I'll be in the dining room. He'll be in the kitchen. That's how she can meet us. Like, I don't want any proximity towards us.

Michelle Loveless

So, you would send your boyfriend into the kitchen with Mom alone? Unsupervised?

Rob Loveless

Or he could just be in the kitchen alone and mom would be in the dining room with me. But I just don't want any proximity between us where they might be like, are they hand holding?

We Are Family: Part 2 with Amy Loveless (9:25)

Rob Loveless

Speaking of earth energy, I'm looking right now. She has a tattoo of a moon with some flower blossoms coming out of it on her ankle.

She's an athletic trainer, the hostess with the mostest. I'd like to welcome to today's episode our guest, Amy.

Hi, Amy, how are you doing today?

Amy Loveless

I'm doing pretty well. How are you?

Rob Loveless

I'm doing good. Doing good.

Can you talk about your own dating experiences? When you started, you know, what you would consider dating?

Maybe some early relationships, things like that?

Amy Loveless

Yeah, definitely. I, I mean, I had those, like, silly middle school relationships where we were dating for a month, and, oh, we held hands, how serious?

But I don't really consider those true relationships, because it was on a very superficial level when people were still very young and immature and didn't understand how relationships are supposed to work anyway.

I had my first actual relationship senior year of high school, going into freshman and sophomore year of college. So, I started dating a little bit later than Michelle did, for sure.

So, I think I feel like I'm kind of in the middle of people who dated late and people who dated early. I'm like, smack in the middle.

Rob Loveless

And from growing up, what you saw, you know, in church and at home, did that impact your dating style in the sense of you felt like this has to be my person, or, like, even in terms of, like, intimacy, or anything like that?

Amy Loveless

I feel like it kind of did, especially with mom and dad. My mind was just, oh, you meet someone. It's literally what Rachel Green said in Friends.

She's like, you just thought you would meet someone, fall in love, and that would be it. And so that's kind of how my mind always was, and especially my first actual relationship.

I remember there were multiple parts in it where, you know, it wasn't exactly going great.

We were long distance, this, that and the other thing, but my mind kept telling me, like, no, it has to be him. It has to be him.

And so, I kept trying to make things work. And we'd keep trying to be like, oh no, this, this can work out. When I was more so just kind of fooling myself.

So, I think that perception of like, oh, you meet someone, you fall in love, that's it definitely kind of came through on that one.

Rob Loveless

And then going into adulthood, I guess, post that relationship, you know, do you have different views on that, in terms like it has to work out, or trying to make things work? Or do you have?

Because for myself, personally, I don't, I think we, you, me, and Michelle all talked about this, but because Mom and Dad got married so early, I kind of just assumed that's the way it was.

So, when I, you know, and I'm 29 and not married. And it's like, now it doesn't seem as weird, but when I was younger, I remember thinking like, if I'm not married by 29 like I'm gonna be an old spinster.

And then, you know, going through, you know, coming out later in life, and then dating later in life, really impacted my views in terms of like I have, I think I have a lot of hesitation with people, and a lot of doubts.

And maybe trust issues a little bit, but more so just doubting intentions.

Because it's like, when you're on dating apps and stuff, it's like you've been through the wringer, you've seen it all, and it's like, I'm not going to settle.

And I don't mean that in, you know, an arrogant way, but it's, it's big things that I think I've been asked to settle for before.

And when I was younger, I think I would think that I'd had to make things work out because I wanted to be married, this and that.

But I'm kind of realizing now, I've kind of broken past that mold of, you know, just because I want that doesn't mean I should sacrifice major parts of what I want, or feel not good, or feel anxious, or anything like that.

So, as you've kind of, you know, because you're 25 now.

As you've kind of gone through that dating relationship, like you said, where you had to make things work, and then it didn't, did that impact how you view dating now as kind of a little bit more of an adult now?

Amy Loveless

Yeah, I definitely think it affects how I view things. Again, kind of like you said, like, I don't want to just settle for things. I don't want to just make things work.

It should be, you know, both sides making things work. And I try to remind myself that. Like, the things that I ignore early on are going to be the things that bother me a lot later on.

So, I try to be more aware of, kind of the red flags that I see.

Or even the yellow flags, because sometimes people don't talk about yellow flags, but there are some things that are going to be 50/50 and you got to kind of figure out which side of it you're on.

But I feel like I'm still kind of in that younger you side that you mentioned about how you were thinking, oh, like, if I'm not married by this age, I'm going to be an old spinster.

Because, yes, I'm 25 but because of growing up with mom and dad, like having met so young, gotten engaged so young, gotten married so young, I think my mind still is like, holy cow, like I thought I would be engaged or married at this age, and I've been single for four years now.

So, I'm like, wow, this is not exactly what I had pictured.

And that's not really necessarily a bad thing. I've been able to focus a lot on myself and my career and my goals, but I do feel like as a result of my last relationship, I kind of have almost a little more of, not even guarded, but more just selective on what I'm gonna want and what I'm gonna be willing to deal with.

Like I kind of want to be more selective in what I allow in my life and what I don't allow in my life, and set, like the right boundaries for myself if that makes sense.

Surviving a Breakup with Sara Sabatino (13:51)

Rob Loveless

So, let's talk about moving on from sadness, especially as it's related to a breakup. Time to bring on our next guest.

She's got a cute face, but don't get too close, because she works with cadavers for a living.

Please welcome my friend, Sara Sabatino.

Sara Sabatino

Hi Rob. Hi everyone.

Rob Loveless

I know, like you were talking about, you were trying to take the steps for the short-term solutions. And ultimately you were the one to end it.

And while you said you had kind of been feeling lonely during that time beforehand, how did you feel when you were kind of coming to the conclusion of, like, this isn't going to work? I need to end this.

Sara Sabatino

It was heartbreaking. You know, like, this was supposed to be my person. This was supposed to be my life.

We just moved into a beautiful house, you know, we just, we merged all of our money. We combined our lives together.

Along with heartbreaking, it was also terrifying, because I knew that ultimately it would mean that I would have to start over completely, and ultimately end up alone, which I hadn't been since—

Rob Loveless

High school.

Sara Sabatino

High school.

Rob Loveless

Middle school actually.

Sara Sabatino

Well, really.

Rob Loveless

So, what, what did ending the relationship look like?

Sara Sabatino

I can tell you exactly what happened that next day. So, we ultimately decided to end things the night before.

We slept in separate rooms. I woke up the next morning and said, I'm gonna go to the gym. And after my gym class, all of my adrenaline left my body.

And I ended up calling Rob on the phone and sobbing and telling him exactly what was going on. I went home, I packed a bag, I showed up at my parents' doorstep.

I took a week off of work, and I stayed with my parents, just trying to journal and trying to get my head around what was happening.

My parents were trying to help me feel better in the best way that they could, but nobody really knew what we needed. It took a while, honestly, for my parents to know what I needed.

But, you know, it was very hard, and during that time also we had to make a plan because I had to move out. I had to get a new place.

I couldn't afford to live in the house, so it was really up to me to kind of get things moving and get out to start the process.

Rob Loveless

I remember specifically, too. One situation was somebody we knew back home knew that you were getting divorced or knew that you were no longer living in the house.

I can't remember what, but obviously it was not something you were widely communicating at the time. And I remember telling you, like, so and so mentioned this, like, they heard about this.

And you kind of said, like, well, that's my truth. Like, that's my reality right now.

So, did something specific happen that, like, around that time you felt like, okay, I'm getting out this mindset?

Or do you think it's just kind of accepting that, all right, this is, you know, my this is the path I'm on right now?

I gotta keep going, like one day forward, and just keep taking baby steps to get to a better tomorrow.

Sara Sabatino

Exactly. I think at the time, I didn't realize it, but I was very slowly healing. I was taking little steps to kind of wake up, try and be in a better mood every day that I would wake up.

I really tried to keep myself busy. So that was actually a good turning point for me was, you know, when we moved, we moved into the suburbs, I lost touch with my gym.

So having the ability to kind of start over and be in this new apartment that was closer to the city, I was able to rejoin gyms. I was able to start working out again. Um, that was very healing.

I got to go to yoga, uh, start meditating more. So those things kind of started getting me back on track and started getting me to accept my situation.

And then news spreads, you know. So, people started finding out about it that I wasn't telling.

And I had to just accept it and say, yeah, that is what happened, and this is the story, and that's all you need to know.

Rob Loveless

And you know, I think being on your own, there's two sides of the coin. On one side, it could be very liberating and exciting. You have your freedom.

Or on the other side, it could be very lonely and isolating. And I think, you know, correct me if I'm wrong. But I think when he first moved in, it was definitely the latter, where you felt very alone.

You know, like we had said, you've been, you know, you had not been on your own this entire time, and now, all of a sudden, plans change.

You're not on the path you thought you were. You're on your own. So, what did you kind of do to?

Because I see you now as a very independent person. You love trying new things. You know, you'll do them, you'll do things with your current fiancé or by yourself.

You're, you know, whatever. How did you kind of shift that being on your own, you know, from being I'm lonely, I feel isolated to, you know, this is liberating for me?

Sara Sabatino

There must have just been a switch that flipped at some point where, you know, after like, probably six months, I just started to get my ground, my footing back.

And I turned into a completely different person than I used to be. I became much more outgoing. I wanted to try new things.

I didn't have to worry about putting somebody else into the equation. I was able to just focus on myself and my cat, who also helped me get through very many nights.

And, you know, going off of, being able to just have that freedom to come and go from my place to pay my own bills to, you know, eat dinner when I wanted to eat dinner, that was kind of when I started to say, this isn't so bad.

Like what I went through was terrible, but I can't let that control my life. I need to start moving forward. I need things to get better for me and for my cat.

So, at some point, I'd say, about six months after the move-out date, that's kind of when I started enjoying my apartment, and, you know, liking the area that I was in and liking the headspace that I was getting to.

Feeling Lonely in a Relationship? with Jordan Nofziger (19:14)

Rob Loveless

Make way. We've got a doctor in the house. I am pleased to introduce my friend Jordan.

Jordan Nofziger

Hi everybody.

Rob Loveless

Can you walk us through, like, kind of the digression of that relationship and when it eventually ended?

Jordan Nofziger

We probably started dating in the fall of what was originally my junior year of college.

He had just transferred and lived on the same floor as my friend, and I remember sitting in the cafeteria with my friend. He didn't know anybody else in there but her, and so he asked to join us.

So that's how we met. We met through this friend in the cafeteria at school.

And right from the beginning, it was kind of really hot and heavy. I had a single dorm room, so I lived by myself in the dorms. And right from the beginning, he was staying with me almost every night.

And then I graduated at the end of that year, and we got our first place together, and probably at least through that point to when we first moved in together, things were fine.

But then shortly after that, we were spending so much time together because, you know, I just graduated, so I didn't have money, and he was still in school and he didn't have money, and so there wasn't really anything for us to do, but kind of sit at home.

And just spending so much time together is so unhealthy, from my perspective. At least that early in a relationship. You know, we hadn't even been together for a year yet, and we were living together.

We'd been living together almost from the beginning.

But there wasn't really a kind of division of responsibility at all. I felt like I was doing everything: I cooked, I cleaned, I did the laundry, I went and got groceries.

So even from the beginning, I felt like I was kind of doing everything. I didn't really have any support, even from him.

And then anytime where I might do something that he thought was stupid or wrong, he made sure that I knew that, and that was pretty constant through most of our relationship, probably at least by a year in.

So, you know, I felt like he was the kind of person that had to control everything. He wanted me to feel dependent on him, which I did, even though I was kind of basically functioning alone.

He wasn't really that supportive of a person. But he somehow still made me feel like I needed him.

And that was an awful place to be because that's what led to my feelings of, well, if I end this, who will want to be with me? So that was a really terrible place to be and to be in that mindset for so long.

It's really isolating because he wasn't, he wasn't a supportive person. He wasn't there in my corner, but I felt like I needed him, but I wasn't getting the things that I needed out of the relationship.

And so, it was very lonely and isolating to be in that position for so long. But probably by the time I was 25, maybe close to 26, is kind of, I'd finally reached my breaking point.

I'd realized that what everybody had been saying all along, that he is not a good person, he's rude, he's, you know, you can do better than that, I finally started to realize, you know, they're right.

You know, I'd been unhappy for so long, and I finally had kind of reached my my breaking point and decided to end it.

And even after that period where I ended it, I remember thinking many times, did I make a mistake? Should I take him back? Because I know he'll come back.

And a big part of that is finding the strength to stick with your decision. And if you have people that can support you through that, that's even better.

I didn't really have that because, you know, we did everything together. All of our friends were mutual friends, and so I didn't really have anybody that I could turn to and talk about how I was feeling.

But I think if you're able to, to have that support, whether it's in your parents or friends or, you know, you have a therapist that you can talk to and help you work through those issues.

I had to get to that point on my own. So, you know, the whole early part of my 20s was taken up by this horrible relationship.

Self-Love Tough Love with Tillie Lee (23:42)

Rob Loveless

Our next guest is a photographer, yoga instructor, and businesswoman.

She's all about the Zen and indifferent to mediocre men. Please welcome Tillie Lee.

Tillie Lee

Thank you. Lovely to be here.

Rob Loveless

This is something that I kind of talked about in the gay best friend episode.

But I think too, you know, the gay best friend, they were always kind of, like, just the sidekick to people.

But I think the lesson from that in general is, you know, gay, straight, whatever, you're going to be the main character of your own life.

But that doesn't mean you're going to be the main character of everybody else's lives, you know?

So, it's kind of like you need to, going back to the world doesn't revolve around you, but you still should be invested in yourself, and, you know, confident in yourself because at the end of the day, you are, you are your own world, so to speak.

Tillie Lee

Yeah. Yeah, and that's why, like, I try, and I'm, like, getting better about, like, setting boundaries because if I have the choice between disappointing you and myself, I'm probably gonna pick you because, like, I don't have to deal with, you know, like I'm not responsible for the way that you feel about things.

I would never intentionally, like, hurt somebody else, but at the end of the day, like, I have to be responsible for, like, my own emotional well-being before I can even, like, try to be there for somebody else.

Rob Loveless

Sure. And I think that's difficult too because I think growing up, you know, a lot of us, you know, were told be kind, be a good person, and I think I don't want to speak for you, but for myself, sometimes I internalize in the sense of, like, I don't want to hurt anybody else's feelings.

And sometimes there's going to be or I don't want to disappoint people. And sometimes there are going to be situations where it's not going to be super easy, you know?

If you want to do something, you want to do, it's going to disappoint or hurt somebody else.

I think there's a respectful way to go about that, but it's important not to, you know, their feelings are valid, but you can't necessarily bring those feelings upon yourself and determine your worth off of how they're feeling.

Tillie Lee

Yeah. And I think you had an episode about codependency.

Rob Loveless

That was episode two.

Tillie Lee

Oh, look at you. Uh, but yeah, it's like, I can't feel your feelings for you.

Rob Loveless

Yeah.

Tillie Lee

You know?

Rob Loveless

So can you, kind of, you said you were always pretty confident, even in childhood.

And, you know, because your parents raised you in that sense of, you know, you're like, you know, trust yourself, all those things.

Can you kind of walk us through growing up, like, anything that might have stood out to you in terms of, like, your self-confidence journey?

Like big moments that you know either shook your self-confidence or that kind of affirmed your self-confidence?

Tillie Lee

Yeah, and I don't know that this is, like, a healthy thing, but I just remember growing up, and I never wanted to be one of those people that's like, woe is me.

Or like, whiny or like, attention seeking, so I tried to go the opposite of that.

And I think in some ways, maybe that wasn't the best for me because, like, I wouldn't ask for help, necessarily, or I was just, like, trying to be a bad bitch. I was like, nine.

But I always, like, did not want to be that person, and I didn't want to be like that whiny person everybody has to reassure.

So, I think, you know, as I got older, it became less about that and more about just choosing what I wanted to do and, like, going with it.

And sometimes that worked out great, and sometimes it didn't. But, you know, for better or for worse, I think a lot of times I was, like, faking it until I made it.

And now I just don't, like, really give a shit. Sometimes I give a shit. We'll be honest, you know. But I think I am better about caring or deciding, like, whose opinions I want.

And if you're giving me life advice, unless you are where I want to be, like, I don't care. You know what I mean?

Rob Loveless

I think too, you know, it seems like there's a lot of people out there who are, you know, so quick to give advice to other people on how they should live their lives, or you know, how they should handle a situation when they don't even have control over what's best for their own life.

You know, like they don't even know what's best for them, but they know what's best for other people.

So, I think, you know, how did you get to that point where you can kind of filter out the noise and just really focus on, going back to, you know, your intuition, your own thoughts, what feels right for you versus what other people are maybe pushing upon you?

Tillie Lee

I think I was always pretty rebellious, and I just, like, hated the idea that somebody else would tell me what to do. And my dad was like that too.

So, I think it is kind of ingrained in my soul. Um, but also therapy. Therapy is the best.

Rob Loveless

I say it every episode. Can't recommend it enough.

Tillie Lee

Seriously.

Rob Loveless

That's like the solution. I always try to end every episode with, like, some action item that we can do to make things better. And usually, it's, like, therapy is the top one.

Tillie Lee

Yeah, go to therapy and also be a therapist, because there's not enough therapists.

Rob Loveless

And they make good money.

Tillie Lee

Yeah.

Rob Loveless

They make more than podcasting. I'm not jaded about that.

Gayming: Level Up Your Sense of Community with Jonathan Steele (27:59)

Rob Loveless

I am very excited to introduce our next guest.

He is saving lives by day and slaying virtual zombies by night. Please welcome my friend, John.

Jonathan Steele

Hi everyone. I'm Jonathan Steele.

Rob Loveless

So, you know, I love with all these episodes, I try to find as much research as I can if there is research.

Some of them don't, don't have as much research, like the house plants and gays episode I did recently. Not a ton of research.

But I did come across this, which I thought was interesting. A UK games industry census, so across the pond, not here in the United States, it's from 2020.

It stated that 21% of all people working in the UK gaming industry identified as LGBTQ+.

So, I was wondering, why do you think there is such a strong tie in between the LGBTQ+ community and gaming?

Jonathan Steele

Everybody's experiences are different growing up, but I feel like there is a general sense of isolation when you're growing up.

Maybe there's bullying or you don't have that group of people, and maybe that that sense of community yet.

And with with all of that, you know, maybe you feel isolated from the world and you just need an escape.

So, we'll probably go into this a little bit later, but part of playing games with me, it was just a form of escapism from the stress of the world in life.

And video games provided that freedom without judgment, because you're a character doing a specific thing, maybe saving the world, or you're fighting people, Smash Bros Melee, or just playing a simple card game.

But like the LGBTQ community and gayming there, there are games, if you've heard of them, like the Dragon Age series and Mass Effect.

They give you the ability to romance an assortment of straight, bi, and gay characters. You can have male, female, and alien. It's Mass Effect.

And then there's other games, like my first introduction, maybe with it was like Dragon Age Origins. And they're characters like Zevrin and Morgan, and I can show you photos of them.

I did, I did bring photos just in case, but yeah. And sometimes, when I hear stories of other people growing up, you know, I do consider that I only considered myself lonely.

When I was growing up bisexual wasn't a thing. It was you were straight or you were gay. There's, if you're in between it was an air quote placeholder.

So, kind of just kept my mouth shut half, more than half the time. But you know, I dealt with all that.

Like you don't exist. You know, you're, you're lying to the world, and you're supposed to be on one end of the spectrum.

So, it was just nice to play some games where I could escape into that world and just be who I wanted to be. And I, you know, I wasn't bullied to my face, at least.

So, I was fortunate enough to just have an easier time growing up than others. And, yeah, Dragon Age just provided that little bit of escapism.

Love in the Third Degree with Eric Praniewicz (31:01)

Rob Loveless

So, without further ado, I am excited to introduce our next guest.

He is a fellow Real Housewives stan but promised me that he, even though he's under a lot of stress, won't be flipping a table because we're recording in my closet.

Please welcome my friend, Eric.

Eric Praniewicz

Hello.

Rob Loveless

So, I love a good vocabulary lesson.

So, to start off with, today's topic, Oxford Languages defines polyamory as a practice of engaging in multiple romantic and typically sexual relationships with the consent of all the people involved, which that sounds very textbook.

When I was doing some research, I also saw ethical non-monogamy come up.

So, to kick it off, what's your personal definition of polyamory?

Eric Praniewicz

My personal definition of polyamory is, I would say, having the ability or capability of expressing and/or feeling genuine romantic love, and to have that form into some sort of relationship with more than one person simultaneously.

Rob Loveless

So, I know you touched upon your relationship a little bit earlier. Can you tell us more about that and how did you and your boyfriends define the relationship?

And what are some boundaries/rules you have in place?

Eric Praniewicz

Another good question. So we are, the dynamic as a whole is what you would call, like, a closed trio. So, there is obviously the aspects of polyamory and that there is more than one person.

But other than that, for us, it typically functions as your regular, you know, run-of-the-mill, gay monogamous relationship.

There are three of us, and, you know, there's no real activity outside of the three of us, pretty much. How it came to be.

There's, I mean, there's a lot of hurdles in the beginning of something like that, especially when, I mean, there were three of us who have never done this before.

My, my partners now, they have been in their relationship with the two of them for a good 11, going on, 12 years. So, they've, they've, they've had a lot of time to establish things.

So, throwing somebody else into the mix is, is, it's definitely been something new.

And while it's been exciting and really great, you know, it comes with its own host of challenges that I think some people don't necessarily realize whenever you're going into that.

But it just takes a ton of communication. A lot, a lot, a lot. A lot of questions being asked too.

You know, oh, like, if I'm not home, like, is, is, you know, is something like this permissible, you know, in terms of, like, sexual dynamic and stuff like that?

There's, there's a lot of ground you have to cover there.

And it might be something that, you know, is a little bit, like, uncomfortable to talk about at first, but, you know, if you're if you're doing that kind of thing, you have to put in that kind of work, or else it's not going to work because assumptions can be made.

Questions can be left unanswered that leave room for anxiety or doubt. And, you know, like any good relationship, you need a lot of communication, and I think this really forces the issue more.

And I think in that way, it's been really good for all of us because we know that we have to talk about that stuff or it's not going to work.

Episode Closing (34:14)

Rob Loveless

So maybe re-listening to those clips, you might have gained something new that you didn't the first time listening to the episodes.

So, hopefully, that was helpful. Hopefully, you enjoyed it and had a fun little, you know, look back at memory lane.

We will be back again next week for part two of this, featuring the remainder of our guests from 2023.

Connect with A Jaded Gay (34:29)

Rob Loveless

As always, you know the drill, please remember to rate, review, and subscribe.

You can follow the podcast on Instagram, TikTok, SoundCloud, and YouTube @ajadedgaypod. You can follow me personally, Rob Loveless, on Instagram @rob_loveless.

Any questions or feedback, reach out to me, rob@ajadedgay.com.

Check out the website too for more information on episodes, the guests that we featured today, merch, all that fun stuff at ajadedgay.com.

Please also consider supporting the show on Patreon. Even though I am taking this winter hiatus, I am still putting out bonus episodes. So please do that.

You can sign up at any level, $1, $3, or $5. You get access to those bonus episodes and the regular episodes a day early, ad-free. So again, you can support us on Patreon @ajadedgaypod.

And remember, every day is all we have, so you got to make your own happiness.

Mmm-bye.