73. Brunch: The Most Important Gay Meal of the Day

Snarky Opener (0:00)

How many carbs can a gay man have at brunch? The limit does not exist.

So, I'm gonna get breakfast potatoes and toast. Boom.

Episode Introduction (0:28)

Hello, my LGBTQuties, and welcome back to another episode of A Jaded Gay.

I'm Rob Loveless, and today I am a jaded gay, still jaded because I'm still overwhelmed. But new plot twist. I have been so stressed and overwhelmed that my body broke out in stress hives.

Legitimately, my body is rejecting itself. I, I don't know. I've never had hives in my life before. Actually, maybe like once in fourth grade, like, I had, like, a little patch on my forearm.

I don't know, but I've definitely been stressed before, and I know my physical symptoms of stress. Like my chest gets tight, my heart races, shortness of breath, all that fun stuff, but I've never gotten this.

It started, like, a couple weeks ago. I noticed, like, a few bumps on the inside of my bicep. And I thought like, oh, maybe, you know, I got a bug bite, or maybe just some kind of, like, irritation or heat rash.

But it literally spread. I had hives up both sides of my body and went up my abdomens, around my armpits, down the inside of my biceps. I was starting to get it on my thighs and my stomach.

Ended up having to go to urgent care this past Monday, and I'm like, freaking out. Like, Oh my God. Is it bed bugs? Is it poison ivy? Is it any of these things?

And he's like, No, it's stress hives. So, are you stressed? And I'm like, maybe just a little.

But anyway, I got a prescription for both, like, an oral and topical steroid, so I've been using that this week, and it's been taking care of everything. They're almost gone.

But just felt, you know, on top of being stressed, felt really grossed out by myself, and yeah. Gotta love when your body rejects you with the stress.

Gay Brunch (1:50)

Anyway, one good way to de-stress, though, is going to brunch with friends. And while we won't be doing that today, we're talking about it today.

That's right, we've had some heavier episodes lately. August, in particular, was a very heavy month. Lots of heavy topics covered, so I figured it was time to brighten things up with a more fun topic.

So today we are going to be talking about brunch. Because, honestly, who doesn't love brunch?

But there has been a stereotype that brunch is quote-unquote a gay thing, and I never really understood why. Like, regardless of politics, I think most people can agree that brunch food is the best.

So, I wasn't sure where this gay stereotype came from, but I figured I do some research and we're going to talk about it.

But first, let's pull our tarot card.

Tarot (2:37)

So today we drew The Magician, which is a Major Arcana card.

And I feel like we haven't drawn a Major Arcana card in a while, but it makes sense we're pulling this card today because brunch is understandably a big deal.

But in all seriousness, Major Arcana cards signify a major life event. Now, The Magician is the second card in the Major Arcana and the first card with a numerical value.

So, as you know, Major Arcana, it starts with The Fool, which equals zero, and then The Magician is number one. So, when we draw The Magician, we're still early on in our new cycle or journey.

And in traditional depictions of this card, you see a magician standing in front of a table with a sword, pentacle, and cup on it, and he's holding up a wand.

So, all of the Minor Arcana suits and elements are represented a bit in this but we're predominantly getting some Wands action.

And Wands, as you know, is tied to the element of fire, and it's representative of passion, creativity, and sexuality.

Also in astrology, The Magician is connected to mercury, which is representative of messages and communication. So, we're getting some Sword/air energy in there too.

And above the magician's head is an infinity symbol, which is telling us that energy is flowing freely in this card.

And with the double combination of Wands and Swords, this card is giving us a lot of masculine energy. So, it's a very action-oriented card, hence the infinity symbol.

And like I said, the number one is indicating a new beginning or start, but it's also representative of the individual.

So, to me, this card is really about letting the action-oriented magic within us really start to flow.

And when we pull The Magician, it's telling us that we have all the elemental ingredients needed to manifest our dreams into reality. We're more powerful than we know.

So, we really need to learn to trust our intuition to guide us in the right direction.

And if we can learn to listen to our instincts, we'll know when to take inspired action while keeping all the elements balanced in our life.

So, from elements to egg whites. Let's talk about brunch.

A Brief History of Brunch (4:29)

According to Merriam-Webster, brunch is a meal usually taken late in the morning that combines a late breakfast and an early lunch.

Meanwhile, Urban Dictionary provides a definition that's a little less textbook.

It says that, especially in North America, brunch is a buffet-style meal eaten together with friends as a social occasion anytime from mid-morning to late afternoon, usually in a cafe or restaurant, but potentially also at home.

It's chiefly associated with bougie hipsters and middle-aged socialites. And I actually have a little history lesson for you today too.

So, Grubhub has a whole webpage dedicated to the history of brunch. So, there's a few theories as to how brunch became a thing.

Some think it came from the English tradition of feasting after a hunt. There's also a chance it was the result of the Catholic tradition of fasting before church and then having a large meal after services.

And proud New Yorkers believe it came from the amazing breakfast and lunch choices following a long night out.

But while the origin isn't exactly known, the word brunch first appeared in the publication Hunter's Weekly in 1895.

In it, writer Guy Berringer wrote:

“Brunch is cheerful, sociable and inciting. It is talk-compelling. It puts you in a good temper, it makes you satisfied with yourself and your fellow beings, it sweeps away the worries and cobwebs of the week.”

And honestly, where's the lie?

Anyway, brunch rose in popularity in the 1930s because actors were traveling across the country from New York to California by train, and brunch's midday timing allowed them to sleep later.

Another reason for brunch's popularity was that when women entered the workforce, they needed a break from cooking for the family.

So, families started going out to eat on Sundays, which was generally the day that they would sit around the table as a family.

Is Brunch Gay? (6:08)

So based off that, you might be wondering why there's a stereotype that gays love brunch. And you're not alone. There are a ton of Reddit forums asking this too.

And I literally Googled, why is brunch gay? And found a bunch of random articles, but the earliest I was able to find was a 2012 article in D Magazine titled Why Gay Men Love to Brunch.

And D Magazine is a monthly magazine covering the Dallas Fort Worth area. And seeing that this was a Texas publication from over a decade ago, I was understandably a little afraid of what I might read.

And when I saw the author's name, Todd Johnson, I was afraid he was a straight man because we all need a straight man in Texas from 2012 telling us why brunch is gay, right?

But good news, he's a community member. Anyway, here's the intro paragraph from his article:

“For weeks, our editorial team brunched, munched, and debated which restaurants serve the best brunches in Dallas. But beyond whose French toast was the most manifique and which bacon was da (fat) bomb, one thing became clear: brunch is the gayest meal of the week.

Our dining editor asked during one particularly contentious meeting, “Why is it that 80 percent of the people who I’ve seen at brunch are gay men?” The question was directed at me, the lone gay in the D Magazine village and, apparently, the resident expert on “the love that dare not speak its name.”

So, Johnson sat down with a group of his friends at a brunch place and held a mini focus group to determine why brunch is gay.

And here are the five reasons they came up with:

• Number one, brunch is effortlessly stylish, and he goes on to say it has a casual elegance to it
• Number two, at brunch, carbs are not only consumed but encouraged
• Number three, brunch is the most social of meals
  • So, at dinner, you know, you might only have four people, while at brunch, you might have 10
• Number four, brunch is not for children
• And finally, five, brunch and cocktails are synonymous

So, I'm sure you're shocked to find that that's not the hard-hitting, scientifically backed data you were expecting.

Anyway, I also found a 2017 article The Advocate published, which covered a Twitter debate about whether straight men were allowed to enjoy brunch.

And this was such a hotly contested Twitter debate, it was a trending topic at one point.

Apparently, a user named @iamfatpapi tweeted: "Brunch is for bitches, men we go grab a drink right quick."

According to The Advocate article, the conversation confronted the implicit homophobia of anti-brunch sentiment, and that many perceive brunch as being beloved by the gay community.

And as we all know, nothing good comes from Twitter. So, some people urged brunch haters to confront their own insecurities.

Others addressed the hypocrisy of those who believe brunch is gay. And of course, there were inevitable bottomless jokes. You know, like bottomless mimosas, of course.

Again, not exactly what I was looking for in terms of hard research.

Brunch’s Queer Elements (8:48)

But I did find a June 2022, article titled Brunch Has Always Been Queer in District Magazine, which is an Irish publication.

Now full disclosure, this article does lean a bit into some stereotypes and cliches, but it does have some deeper insights. In fact, the author even gives this little disclaimer up front:

“There’s no such thing as a queer meal — but once you look at food through a queer lens, you’ll see it’s actually everywhere. Queerness has become a practical blanket term for anyone on the LGBTQ spectrum, but it has radical roots in subversion and redefinition of society — including restaurant dining.

There’s nothing explicitly queer about Brunch – except that it’s an undeniably queer space, even if, like iced coffee, I can’t offer the exact reason. But here’s my best go at it.”

Anyway, the author gives seven different examples of why brunch is queer.

First, it's pop culturally gay.

Since the 90s, shows like Sex and the City depicted brunches as rituals of urban sophistication, decked out by their token gay men and supported by others portrayed more like fashion accessories than humans.

And while media representation of the LGBTQ+ community has improved since then, brunch is still a recurring scenario where queer characters make an appearance.

And the author goes on to cite Will & Grace and Girls as examples where there are frequently LGBTQ+ people showing up at brunch.

Next, brunch is allegedly controversial.

The literal timing of brunch existed outside of acceptable norms when it was first cited in Hunter's Weekly.

In fact, at the time, it wasn't considered to be a quote-unquote respectable mealtime and challenged heterosexual expectations.

The author says that brunch started as a party and a protest and became a symbol of queerness and joy and a way to commune with the community.

Also, it gave the LGBTQ+ community an opportunity to socialize during the day. You know, for a long time, being gay was very much a social taboo that had to be swept under the rug.

And so gay spaces were mostly bars and nightclubs. However, brunch allowed gay men to be themselves in a more public setting, which was bold and rebellious.

Also, brunch tends to be more affordable than dinner.

The article alleges it's typically half the price of dinner. But I'm sure that's dependent upon where you live in and inflation and all that fun stuff.

But like we talked about in past episodes, the LGBTQ+ community faces various economic disparities compared to their straight counterparts.

In fact, historically, LGBTQ+ people found it difficult to secure employment, especially if they were out. Here's a quote from the article:

"Many worked nights or in sex work, meaning not only were conventional meals not timed well for their life they were financially unattainable."

Next, brunch is a social meal.

Here's an excerpt from the article:

“Brunch is the traditional Sunday lunch de-constructed. It’s as much about the atmosphere as the food. Cynically, the traditional Sunday lunch is about sitting around a table, using the correct cutlery, and avoiding arguments with family. Brunch blurs the lines between breakfast and lunch and blurs the social strictures too.”

Another reason is the bottomless mimosas.

Now the author of this article doesn't list a ton of evidence backing why mimosas are queer, but apparently, they are.

He does go on to say, though that brunch has been made to be boozy, which makes the meal less kid-friendly than others, which kind of parallels that article in D Magazine.

Another parallel to that article is brunch's dietary variety.

It's inclusive and offers a wide variety of options. And the author notes that, and this is a quote, queers love a little variety.

Brunch hovers between hangover-nursing food like eggs and pancakes and luncheon cuisine like smoked salmon and hollandaise sauce.

Also with the wide variety, anyone can find something that works for them, regardless of carb or protein content.

And the last reason is drag brunches.

And this one is pretty self-explanatory.

Now remember, this article is from a publication in Dublin, but the author says that just five years prior to this article, drag brunches were almost unheard of outside of gay venues in Ireland.

However, it has become a big business in the country in recent years. Now, again, none of those reasons are scientifically backed by research.

It's kind of just a fun article, but the author ends with this passage:

“It’s not any one of these things, but it is all of them, a merging of unambiguous humour, sensuality, and enchantment food which is ineffably queer. Brunch isn’t a meal. It’s a queer way of life.”

A Brief History of Drag Brunches (13:01)

Now I want to turn the conversation back to drag brunches. There is a 2019 article published in The Guardian, which documents the rise of drag brunch and its place in queer culture.

In the article, Joe E. Jeffreys, a drag historian at New York University and the New School, says that the drag-and-dine experience began in the 1950s when cosmopolitan restaurants started to compete for the custom of a booming middle class with spectacle and theater to supplement the menu.

While homosexuality remained a criminal offense and gay bars endured police raids and vandalism at the time, drag dinners offered risqué entertainment without risk.

Here's a quote from Jeffreys:

“I often talk about drag as the indigenous queer performance form, in that it is by the people, of the people, and for the people. But drag brunch was largely about making queer performance accessible to straight audiences.”

The article also credits the cataclysmic success of RuPaul's Drag Race as bringing drag to more of a mainstream audience, and today, drag brunches are performed outside of LGBTQ+ spaces.

And while drag is camp entertainment for many, it has been present throughout gay and transgender liberation struggles.

And I think we talked about this in the Stonewall Riots episode back in June, but drag queens rioted against police repression of queer venues at Stonewall in 1969 and risked their safety to march at the earliest pride parades over the years that followed.

Throughout the AIDS crisis, they raised funds for research and support services while they and their friends died. And here's a quick quote from the article:

“While drag is comedy, it is also a withering glance at gendered and sexual hierarchies that still mean LGBTQ people are more likely to be homeless, attempt suicide, and experience harassment at school and in the workplace.”

And unless you've been living under a rock, I'm pretty sure by now you've heard about the widespread drag bands across the United States.

In fact, GLAAD has been tracking protests and threats drag events have faced, and there has been a significant increase since last year.

They found 161 incidents of anti-LGBTQ+ protests and threats targeting drag events since early 2022, with a sharp uptick in pride season 2022 and continuing through the midterm election cycle.

And at the time they published this report in April of this year, they had already logged 20 incidents from early 2023 to March 31.

And I'm sure it'll be terrifying to see what the final numbers are for this year. But for these 2023 incidents, there were, of course:

• Bomb threats
• Vandalism via Molotov cocktails
• Pepper spray
• Melees
• And threats of armed protests

And as of April 2023, there were also 14 states with legislative proposals that aimed to restrict or ban drag.

In many cases, extremist politicians pointed to local drag events as the motivation for new legislation that would ban public drag performances, such as those that take place at Pride festivals, ban minors from observing drag performances, including library events such as drag story hour, or reclassify venues that host drag performances as quote-unquote adult or adult cabaret venues.

And in June of this year, People magazine published an article detailing where each state stands regarding anti-drag legislation.

So, I definitely recommend you check that out. I've included a link to it in the episode notes. And obviously, this is terrifying, and it's a threat to the LGBTQ+ community.

So, courtesy of GLAAD, sign the petition that tells your lawmakers don't mess with drag and don't mess with the LGBTQ+. It takes less than two minutes to do.

You enter in your contact info and a templated email is sent to your local constituents telling them not to ban drag in your state.

And I've also included this link in the episode notes too, so please take the time to fill that out. And also, be sure to support your local drag performers.

Now, obviously, there's a lot more to the history of drag, and these drag bans are some scary stuff.

The Intersectionality of Brunch and Community (16:43)

So, I do want to end this episode on a lighter note, tying it back to the importance of gay brunch in our community.

So, I found this 2018 article by Nik Sharma titled Why Gay Brunch Matters. In it, he chronicles his move to Washington DC's gayborhood in the fall of 2006 as a newly out gay man.

He and his gay friends playfully referred to their brunches as gay church, and he talks about how these brunches brought about important conversations.

Some of it was that week's latest gossip, but it also offered an opportunity to have meaningful conversations about cultural happenings that impacted the LGBTQ+ community, like former President Obama being elected, which brought about a new wave of inclusion and positive acceptance.

Or in 2013 when DOMA was struck down. Sharma goes on to write that these brunches evolved over the years.

Eventually, as more of his gay friends got married and bought houses together, the number of brunches hosted by couples began to increase, which he states is a new level of queer culture normalization.

But this paragraph from the article really stood out to me. So, I want to close out the episode with this:

“Shows like Sex and the City depict these brunches as rituals of urban sophistication, bedecked with gay men who are portrayed more like fashion accessories than thinking, feeling, independently important humans. Behind this pageantry, we were and are so much more.

We experience the excitement of new relationships that have just begun and the somewhat tragic and unexpected end of others. We are simply there for a friend who found out he is HIV positive. We celebrate friends' domestic unions and the birthday of someone who has been abandoned by his family.

The conversations and emotions shared in my group at these meals were far-reaching, raw, and real. At the end of the day, we are people just like everyone else.”

Episode Closing (18:24)

And tying it back to the tarot, you know, The Magician really signifies that we have everything we need inside of us.

We can really channel our internal magic, using those four elements within us to manifest our dreams into reality.

And while this episode was lighter, obviously there is a history to brunch being a safe space for LGBTQ+ people. And you can write off brunch as being a social, bougie occasion.

But just like in Sharma's article, brunches can really signify something deeper. The conversations and the company we have at brunch can really have an impact on us.

Sure, you might just be getting together with loose acquaintances or your most recent fling for light conversation or even gossip, or it can be something deeper, where you have those intimate, emotional connections with somebody.

A group of really long-standing close friends, where you can have deeper conversations about current events, threats against the LGBTQ+ community, relationship struggles, health scares.

So, while it is a social occasion, it's really up to us to make of it what we will.

Maybe we do just need lighter conversation that day, or maybe we need a shoulder to lean on, and brunch could offer a safe space for that.

Again, we need to focus on our intuition so we can really kind of keep those elements harmonized within us, so we can trust our intuition and use our inner magic to take inspired action.

So, with that being said, why not pick up the phone, call your friend, text them, and make brunch plans?

Sorry, that might be a little looser tarot interpretation today, but it is what it is. Lighter episode. Can't always have a hard-hitting tarot read going into that.

Connect with A Jaded Gay (19:44)

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this episode. As always, thank you for listening. Please remember to rate, review, and subscribe. You can learn more about the podcast at ajadedgay.com.

You can also reach out to me for any questions or feedback rob@ajadedgay.com.

You can connect with the podcast on Instagram, TikTok, SoundCloud, and YouTube @ajadedgaypod. You can follow me personally, Rob Loveless, on Instagram @rob_loveless.

Also, consider supporting the podcast on Patreon for as little as $1 a month. That's @ajadedgaypod.

And remember, every day is all we have, so you got to make your own happiness.

Mmm-bye.