48. Plant Gays and Mindfulness Lessons

Snarky Opener (0:00)

Remember, men may let you down, but succulents will never disappoint you.

Unless you overwater them and then accidentally kill them, like I've done before. I can't help it. I'm just so nurturing.

Episode Introduction (0:30)

Hello, my LGBTQuties, and welcome back to another episode of A Jaded Gay. I'm Rob Loveless and, today, I am a non-jaded gay because I've recently downloaded the Calm app, and I am loving it.

Now, this isn't a sponsorship or an ad or anything. I'm doing this on my own free will.

A few weeks back, I saw, I was watching Hulu, and a commercial came on for the Calm app, and they were talking specifically about brown noise.

That they had a brown noise soundscape for sleep, which I'd never heard of that before. But in the ad, they were saying that, you know, brown noise is good for people who have, like, racing thoughts at night.

It helps kind of relax an anxious mind and helps you sleep better. So, I figured, whatever, I'll give it a try. Download the app. Free for a week, $60 I think, for the year, which totally worth every penny.

But I downloaded it and loved it. You know, I don't follow it the way I'm supposed to, because I know it is meant for meditation.

I do listen to the Daily Calm and the Daily Jay, which I really like those both. I think they're good to help, like, reflect, and reframe some situations you're in.

But I know you're supposed to be listening to those when you're, like, meditating, sitting down somewhere, relaxing, or laying down and, like, focusing on your breathing.

But I'm not quite there yet. I kind of still listen to it podcast-style.

So usually, I listen to them when I'm in the shower getting ready, because at least that's kind of a calmer space, as opposed to me, you know, running to the grocery store, trying to listen to the Daily Calm and all that stuff.

But so, I love those. I think the meditation piece is something I definitely want to work on to be a little calmer. Because, surprise, surprise, I'm anxious all the time.

But then also, they have a ton of soundscapes at night that I really like listening to to help me fall asleep.

I used to listen to music before, and, you know, I'd notice, like, as the songs pass, or the songs change, and then, like, figure out, like, all right, well, three songs have gone by, and songs are about three minutes each.

So that means I've been laying in bed for about nine minutes and I'm not falling asleep. The soundscapes are just really, like, relaxing, soothing, peaceful. I listen to a lot of nature soundscapes.

The one I'm loving now is the enchanted moss garden. It's, like, my new favorite.

But a few weeks prior, you know, when it was a little bit more winter weather, I was really enjoying the Netherlands winter, the tour of Iceland, all that stuff. So, it's really great. I definitely recommend it.

Again, this year, I'm trying to be a little bit more grounded and a little calmer and just more at ease. So, I'm hoping that Calm will help me get there

But I've been enjoying it so far. Love the nature soundscapes.

Plant Gays and Mindfulness Lessons (2:35) 

And speaking of nature, today, we are going to be talking about house plants. And the reason I'm bringing this one up now is because, you know, the past couple episodes were kind of heavy.

Didn't want to put a total damper on everybody. So, I wanted to kind of just, you know, cleanse the palette, take a lighter route, and talk about a more fun topic.

And that more specifically, is about the relationship between gays and houseplants. And it might sound like a weird topic, but hear me out, okay?

Over the past couple years, I feel like I've seen an emergence of hashtags on social media saying plant daddy and plant gay.

And it got me curious if this is a Millennial thing or a gay thing, or a combination of both. So, we're going to take a look into that.

But first, you know the drill, let's pull our tarot.

Tarot (3:16) 

So, the card for this episode is the Three of Wands. Again, Wands is a suit in the Minor Arcana.

So, it's kind of more of the day-to-day, as opposed to big milestones or big changes in our lives. Wands is tied to fire energy. So that typically reflects passion, creativity, sometimes sexuality.

As we talk about house plants, I think it's mostly going to just be about, you know, passion and creativity. Also, it is masculine energy, so it's action-oriented.

And in numerology, the number three is typically tied to expansion, creativity, and collaboration.

And when we pull this card upright, the key meaning we're getting here is that it's signaling that we're going to be experiencing some kind of expansion or growth. And maybe plant growth, who knows?

And when it comes to kind of, you know, spirituality and all that stuff, when we pull this card, it's indicating that we're surrounding ourselves with inspiring people who are going to help us expand to reach the next level of personal growth.

And as we focus on this personal growth, this card is also indicating that we're planning for the future, and we're trying to do that from a place of safety and comfort.

So that way we have, you know, clear mind to make the best decisions going forward.

And what better way to feel comfortable and safe than being surrounded by plants?

My Experiences with Houseplants (4:14)

So, let's get into it. And I'm gonna start off with my own personal journey with plants. You know, growing up, my family didn't keep any houseplants at all.

My mom always killed them, and she always jokes that it's a miracle that she kept me and my sisters alive. Love you, Mom.

But so anyway, when I graduated college and moved to my first grown-up apartment in Jersey, I had a small apartment warming party for my family.

And my grandmother brought me a plant as an apartment warming gift.

And it's some kind of ivy, I don't know what kind it really is, because the name she told me it was, I looked it up online, and it's definitely not that and there are so many Ivy species. So not 100% sure.

But I will never forget that when she gave me the plant, she asked me if I ever saw the movie 28 Days with Sandra Bullock, and I hadn't at the time.

And if you're not familiar with the movie, it's kind of a dark comedy about her going into rehab, and, you know, the people she meets there.

So, my grandmother was telling me that in the movie, the characters in rehab, you know, they have a counseling session, and their counselor says that when they're done with rehab, they might want to go out into the world and get into a relationship, but they're encouraged not to do that because that's kind of jumping the gun.

So, they suggested, you know, starting off small. You start with the plant, and if you can keep that alive for a few weeks, then get a fish. If you keep that alive for a few weeks, get a dog.

And then eventually you work your way up to the dating part.

But the one character comes running out in the middle of the movie with his dead house plant and goes, oh my god, I killed it. I'm never going to get laid.

And then my grandmother, after telling me that, looks me in the eye and says, so don't kill this plant. So, God bless you, Agnes. Love you. Miss you every day.

And the plant's still alive, going strong almost eight years later. I've killed it a couple times, but it's come back. So, miracles do happen. And maybe there's still hope for me.

Anyway, so when I moved back to Pittsburgh, I had a new apartment, and I got a couple free plants from the complex I was living in. I think I got a Christmas cactus and an herb of some kind.

But I didn't really get into house plants until 2019 when I had been in my house for a few months. And part of the reason I got into plants is because of Sara.

And if you're a regular listener of the podcast, you definitely remember her. We had that episode last month on surviving a breakup.

Well, during the divorce that we had talked about in that episode, she moved out into her apartment, and the first time I went to visit her, there were plants everywhere.

It was, like, Jumanji jungle style, just like a fig in the corner, Ivy dangling from the ceiling, everywhere. And I was, like, wow, Sara, lots of plants.

And she's like, you know, I might have gone a little overboard with the plants, but I needed something to satisfy my need to nurture something. And like, relatable. Who hasn't been there?

And so now, every time we visit each other, we end up buying plants. We're going to plant nurseries of some kind. We like to try to get to botanical gardens when we can.

We're just like plant fiends. It's it's crazy.

Anyway, like I said, a lot of people our generation post on social media about their plants, and then we have a hashtag for plant daddies out there too.

So again, like I said at the beginning, I was wondering if this is a Millennial thing, where we're just more into plants than our parents.

Or is it just that we're on social media more, so we're posting about plants more? And going off of that, then is there a gay subset to house plants?

Millennials and Houseplants (6:55)

So, let's start kind of broad before we get into gays and plant daddies.

In doing some research for this, the earliest article I found regarding Millennials and house plants is from September 2019.

Which, again, is the year I started getting into house plants. So, I can only assume that I started this trend.

But in all seriousness, HuffPost published an article titled Why Millennials Are Suddenly So Obsessed with Houseplants.

In it, they cite the 2019 National Gardening Survey, which reported that a record of 52.3 billion, with a B, was spent on lawn and garden retail sales for the year prior.

A quarter of that spending was attributed to 18 to 34-year-olds. And the survey reported that Millennial spending on plants had grown at a higher rate than any other age group since 2014.

And the general consensus behind that is that social media is the driver of Millennials' house plants obsession since they are visually stunning.

However, the HuffPost article goes on to state that, while this craze may seem like another passing fad, the Millennial generation is uniquely suited to maintain their house plant hobby since they are delaying major life milestones such as buying houses, getting married, and starting families.

And here's a quote from Lily Ewing, a therapist in Seattle who is also a Millennial and a house plant lover:

“People are designed for connection and nurturing, but with more Millennials waiting until later in life to have babies and settle down, young people are turning to plants.”

She then goes on to explain that plants often require less attention than other living things, but still provide the opportunity to nurture something which can provide a greater sense of fulfillment and purpose.

Additionally, since many Millennials are not buying homes and are still renting, they have to adhere to the landlord's policies, which may include no pets. So, plants are their alternative.

And the Millennial generation is known as the wellness generation, with a focus on self-care.

So, in addition to fitness classes and athleisure wear, Millennials are embracing the physical and mental benefits of house plants.

And when it comes to health benefits, for starters, some types of plants improve air quality, like snake plants. And I mean, we all know breathing is good for you.

But also, there have been quite a few studies that indicate that house plants can reduce both physiological and psychological stress, sharpen your attention, and boost productivity.

And their natural elements can help buffer the effects of job stress and anxiety.

Additionally, the house plant social media craze has an incredibly active and supportive community that exists behind the scenes and can actually foster connections and build a community of like-minded people.

And here's a little hard research that supports these claims.

In April 2022, Melinda Knuth, assistant professor in the Department of Horticultural Science at North Carolina State University, conducted a study to understand consumers' wants and desires as it relates to house plants.

She found that while Millennials have similar quantities of house plants compared to other generations, Millennials purchase plants more frequently than Baby Boomers, Gen X, and Gen Z.

Additionally, Millennials tend to focus on plants that offer health or wellness benefits, and as a result, indoor plants are set to see further positive retail value growth.

Millennials also tend to be more concerned for the environment, which plays a role in their plant purchasing behaviors. And this next finding is really interesting and also shocking to me.

Knuth found that purchasers were more likely to be more positive than non-purchasers, and Millennials were more likely to be optimistic for the future and have a more positive emotional status than the other generations.

So clearly, I was not included in the survey, because I am not that.

But lastly, from the study, she found that 93% of Millennials believe house plants make them happier and that Millennials and Gen Z are more likely to follow a house plant retailer, grower, or organizer on social media than Generation X and baby boomers.

And they are much more likely to purchase from these businesses after viewing their social media.

And according to Ian Baldwin, a gardening industry analyst and business advisor, the current indoor house plant trend we're seeing is reminiscent of the 1970s and 1980s.

Gay Men and Houseplants (10:40)

Now turning it to gays and houseplants. Data from a 2021 Gallup survey found that 10.5% of Millennials identify as LGBTQ+.

Meanwhile, only 4.2% of Gen X, 2.6% of Baby Boomers, and 0.8% of Traditionalists identify as LGBTQ+.

So right off the bat, we have a larger number of LGBTQ+ identifying individuals in the Millennial generation, which is the generation that's primarily participating in the house plant craze.

We also have the term plant gay, which, according to Urban Dictionary, is a gay person that has many plants and/or loves plants.

So, gays and their obsession with houseplants is definitely a thing.

But getting a little more factual, in 2021 the Centre for Gay Counseling published an article explaining that caring for house plants can teach gay men to live mindfully and care for themselves without judgment.

In it, author Jordan Gruenhage explains that some gay men have a special relationship with plants, and there are eight unique benefits it offers:

Number one, plants teach us more about nurturance and care

You know, since a lot of gay men did not grow up getting the support and care they needed to develop a solid sense of self-worth, caring for plants gives them the opportunity to experience what it's like to be in a relationship of care and nurturance.

And the act of caring for something can help us become more aware of the parts of ourselves which may not have been nurtured in the past, that we can start nurturing now.

Two, plants affirm the sensitive and caring parts of ourselves

How many of us grew up hearing we were too sensitive or too feminine?

Well, plants require sensitive and caring attention, which affirm these qualities in us since being sensitive and caring is required for plants to survive.

Number three, research suggests that plants are good for our mental health

Which we already talked about.

Number four, plants remind us that it's okay to have needs

And this important, since many gay men grew up with the message that their own unique needs weren't important.

Number five, plants educate us about the complexities of care

Different plants have different unique needs and different levels of care, just like us.

And I really like this quote from the article:

“Because of these differences, we may also make mistakes about how to take care of a specific plant. This provides an opportunity to reflect on how understanding our needs may be a journey that takes time, and will include mistakes.”

Number six, plants offer lessons in self-compassion

Since we may not have been treated compassionately by others, caring for plants gives us an opportunity to act compassionately by taking care of plants.

And there's mistakes made along the way. You know, maybe we forget to water a plant and kill it. Been there, done that.

But this minor mistake allows us to practice forgiving ourselves and practicing self-compassion while learning how to better nurture them going forward.

Number seven, caring for plants promotes mindfulness

And practicing mindfulness is especially important for gay men, since they may place a high expectation on themselves to be overly productive. Oops, it's me.

And finally, number eight, plants provide a safe and non-judgmental relationship

And this can be a welcome reprieve for gay men who have experienced judgment and safety concerns with other people throughout their daily lives.

So, I thought that was a really interesting take.

Pet-Friendly Houseplants (13:32)

And I know we're coming out of winter now, so this article may be a little late, but I thought I'd read off some information from this other article titled 13 Easy Houseplants for Seasonally Depressed Gays and Their Cats.

Because, if you're like me, your depression is seasonal for every season. You know, winter, spring, summer, and fall.

Anyway, right off the bat, there's succulents. Specifically, the article cites Blue Echeverria, Burro’s Tail, Zebra Haworthia, and Sempervivum.

Now, I don't do well with succulents because they require minimal care and I'm overly attentive. I've killed so many by watering them too much.

But I do have one that I managed to keep alive because I haven't watered it in, like, six months, and it's doing great.

But the other succulent I watered every couple weeks, you know, it died, too much water anyway.

There's also the Boston fern, which apparently is non-toxic for cats. And ferns are easy to care for.

They like moist environments, and they don't need a ton of sunlight, so they can be good in places like a bathroom.

There's also the Christmas cactus, which is super easy to care for, and around late November, it starts blooming flowers. Except mine has flowers for a day and then they fall off.

So, I'm not sure if that's normal or if I'm messing it up, but the green leaves haven't died on me yet, and it's like evergreen year-round, so pretty nice one to have.

You can also go with a spider plant for air purifying but check the species you're buying to see if it's pet-friendly or not. And air plants are supposed to be very easy to care for.

But I also killed mine once. It wasn't supposed to be in direct sunlight, and it looked like it was wilting a little bit, so I got nervous that it wasn't getting enough sunlight.

So, then I put it outside in the sun, and I killed it. Unsurprisingly, it just died. That's what happens when you don't follow directions.

And lastly, here's one I love: my ZZ Zenzi. You know, I don't have a cat and my dog can't reach plants, so I don't know if they're pet-friendly or not, but it is super easy to care for.

It's like, green and stalky. I water mine every couple weeks. Just keep it in the kitchen, where it doesn't get a lot of sunlight.

But it's nice to have kind of the green space there, and it's very low maintenance, unlike me.

Episode Closing (15:13)

But in all seriousness, regardless of sexuality, regardless of generation, I do think it is good to have plants around, just kind of like we talked about in the article, the physiological and emotional benefits it offers.

I do just think it's really nice to have some greenery around. It helps with mindfulness. It's very relaxing. It purifies the air. So, all good things.

And you know, like we talked about in tarot today, with the Three of Wands, it's signaling that we are ready to expand and grow.

Maybe literally, this means plants, because we're watering them and keeping them healthy and alive.

Or maybe it's something within us that we're ready to kind of experience the next level of personal growth.

And you know, when we're trying to grow as a person, typically, there's planning involved, and we have to take steps along the way.

So, it's really important that we are kept in a place of safety and comfort as we're planning so that way, we have a clear mind and can make rational decisions.

And like I said at the beginning, what better way to feel comfortable than by surrounding yourself with plants?

And lastly, I will just say again, this is a card with masculine energy, so it's asking us to take action. So go out and buy yourself a plant today. Really, what excuse do you have?

Treat yourself to a plant. Get ready for springtime and enjoy the purifying air properties it provides.

And I know this episode's a little bit shorter, a little lighter, a little goofier, but like I said, past couple ones were kind of heavy, so I did want to have kind of a lighter one that's more fun.

Connect with A Jaded Gay (16:18)

So, I hope you enjoyed this. Please remember to rate, review, and subscribe. If you have any feedback, if you want to talk plans, feel free to contact me, rob@ajadedgay.com.

You can also connect with the podcast on Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, and SoundCloud @ajadedgaypod. You can follow me personally, Rob Loveless, on Instagram @rob_loveless.

And you can also support the podcast on Patreon, becoming a monthly donor for as little as $1 a month. That is also @ajadedgaypod.

And remember, every day is all we have, so you gotta make your own happiness.

Mmm-bye.

Outtake (17:13)

And the general con—whoa, my voice cracked. That was awkward.