148. Ethical Non-Monogamy: Redefining Relationships (with Jeff Hudson)

Snarky Opener (0:00)

Jeff Hudson

If I commit to a person, I am committing to work through everything. You know, whatever happens between us, we're going to try and work through it. And that's like loving resiliently for me.

Episode Introduction (0:34)

Rob Loveless

Hello, my LGBTQuties, and welcome back to another episode of A Jaded Gay. I'm Rob Loveless and, today, I am a non-jaded gay because I finally finished transcribing all of my old podcast episodes, all 100 and however, many of them at this point.

Oh, so glad it's done. I've been working on it since like July last year, and then as I transcribed them, I was turning them into blog posts.

So, I'm all caught up. So now I just transcribe the episodes as they come out and turn them into blog posts. And I have blog posts scheduled like two a week until February of 2026.

So hopefully you enjoy all those when you see the posts on Instagram.

Ethical Non-Monogamy (1:13)

Rob Loveless

Anyway, from blog posts to memoirs. Today, I am very excited to have a special guest joining us to talk all about his experiences in a throuple and ethical non-monogamy.

And we've kind of talked about non-monogamous relationships in the past. I believe it was April 2023; I had my friend Eric on to talk about his experiences in a polyamorous relationship.

So, I'm really excited that we get to explore those dynamics again in today's episode. But before we do, tarot time.

Tarot (1:43)

Rob Loveless

So today we drew The Emperor, which is a Major Arcana card. As a reminder, Minor Arcana cards are more about the day-to-day things, but Major Arcana cards signify something big happening in our lives. 

And The Emperor is like pure masculine energy, so this card is very action-oriented. It's number four in the Major Arcana and in numerology, four is tied to structure, stability, and our foundation.

And when we draw The Emperor, it's reminding us of our personal power and using it to take inspired action.

This card signifies that we have a clear vision of what we want to create, and we're taking the action to achieve those things. The Emperor is also seen as someone wise with plenty of knowledge.

So, it's important that we're taking action based off of our own personal power and intellect, instead of reacting to fear. And by implementing boundaries and rules, we can create calm out of chaos.

Guest Introduction (2:33)

Rob Loveless

And with that in mind, I am very excited to welcome today's guest. He is the author of Deconstructing Us: My Trouble with a Throuple.

Please welcome Jeff Hudson. Hi, Jeff. How are you today?

Jeff Hudson

I'm great. Thanks for having me, Rob.

Rob Loveless

Of course, thanks for coming on today. I'm very excited to talk all about throuples, ethical non-monogamy, your new book, which covers it all, and we will be getting into that shortly.

But before we do, can you tell all the listeners a little bit about yourself, how you identify, your pronouns, career, background, all that fun stuff?

Jeff Hudson

So, I am a former television producer. I produced TV for most of my life. I started out like in the talk show circuit, Sally Jessy Raphael, Montel Williams, Ricki Lake. Then I did a lot of dating shows.

And then I came out to California, did some design shows, and my big probably claim to fame, I was the showrunner for a show called The Doctors, which was a daytime medical talk show with a bunch of doctors on the panel, which I actually won an Emmy for that one.

I'm also now writing, and that is sort of my true passion right now. And I do a bunch of other little things out here in Palm Springs.

But I used to live between LA and Palm Springs, but now I've kind of called Palm Springs my my permanent home.

Rob Loveless

Awesome. And I like to ask all my guests today, are you a jaded or non-jaded gay, and why?

Jeff Hudson

I am, uh, by the way, my pronoun is he/him. You did ask me that. So just let you know. I listen, I was actually just thinking about that before we jumped on together.

You know, I think everybody has levels of jadedness, right? You know, people always say, oh, I'm not jaded. Yes, you are. Everybody's jaded.

We all have a little bit of jaded something in our bloodstream. If you lie about that, you're definitely not telling the truth. Because we all have a little bit of that, of that.

I think that, I think that throughout the course of my life, I've been more jaded than others, and I think I was probably more jaded when I was a little bit younger. I think as I age and I evolve and I experience more, especially in the gay community and the gay world, I think I've become a little less jaded. But yeah, I mean, I definitely have some, I have some jaded genes.

Rob Loveless

Fair enough. I feel like jaded kind of comes with the territory of being gay, sometimes.

Jeff Hudson

100%. I agree.

Rob Loveless

Well, hopefully, we can alleviate some of the jadedness today, talking all about your new memoir. Again, congratulations on that coming out.

Jeff Hudson

Thank you, thank you.

Rob Loveless

Of course. It is titled Deconstructing Us: My Trouble with a Throuple, which again, talks about your experiences with being in a throuple, ethical non-monogamy.

What is Ethical Non-Monogamy? (5:15)

Rob Loveless

So, kicking off the show, I tend to always love a vocabulary lesson.

So according to Simply Psychology, ethical non-monogamy is a relationship structure where all involved parties’ consent to have multiple romantic or sexual relationships with honesty and open communication, and unlike cheating, all actions are above board and ethically conducted with respect for everyone's boundaries and feelings.

So obviously that could be kind of clinical sounding.

So, with all that in mind, can you tell us about your personal definition of ethical non-monogamy and also how it intersects with throuples and polyamory?

Jeff Hudson

Absolutely. I, you know, the one word that really stuck out to me with what you just said is consent.

For me, ethical non-monogamy is when two people in a committed relationship decide that they're going to allow relations with other people. And listen, there is an array of non-monogamy, right?

Some people allow, you know, their partners, to kiss other people. Some people allow people to, you know, have foreplay with other people.

You know, I have friends who are in non-monogamous relationships, where they hook up with other people, but they both have to be present, right?

Some people do the Don't Ask, Don't Tell. Me, for me, I like to know everything. Like I want to know what's going on, what you did, whether or not you're going to go do it, what or you did it already.

For me, a lot of it is like, that's like a turn-on for me, like to know what my partner is doing and and all that kind of stuff.

And I also think it actually helps your relationship, because you actually learn things about your partner from their extracurricular activities that you may not know from being with them on your own.

The big thing, though, with ethical non-monogamy is both parties truly need to be okay with what is going on, and they have to agree with what level of non-monogamy they're going to do.

If one person is jealous, it's not gonna work. You both have to trust each other, and you both have to be communicating all the time about what you're doing.

And then, in terms of non-monogamy, you know, relating to throuples and polyamory, I think it's like taking non-monogamy to the next level because when you open up that gate to that third person, that's when emotions get involved.

For me, non-monogamy is sex. It's hooking up and knowing that that's all it is, and I'm coming home to my person.

But in a in the throuple, when you invite that third people, that third person in, you're you're dealing with emotions now. You're dealing with feelings.

Gay Men & Ethical Non-Monogamy (8:11)

Rob Loveless

And obviously, you know, open relationships, polyamory, that's not exclusive to the LGBTQ+ community. I'm sure it happens with straight people as well.

But a lot of times, if you go on a dating app, you'll see somebody saying that they're in an open relationship or polyamorous relationship.

So, I was wondering, what do you think draws gay men in particular to explore ethical non-monogamy?

Jeff Hudson

I think that. Listen, I think gay men are sexual creatures, but I think it's not really about just gay men. I think it's men in general.

I personally, truly believe, and some people may disagree with me on this, but I think men generally more so than women, can separate emotions from sex. I think that men could go out, have sex, come home and to their person, and forget about what just happened.

And I think, you know, women are more they want to be more emotional. They want to get to know the person. They want to go on dates, or whatever the case may be.

You know, for gay men, we all know it's so easy. We could jump on Grindr; we could jump on Scruff. We can jump on Sniffies.

In 15 minutes from now, I could have somebody over here, and we could be hooking up, you know.

And I truly believe this, and I say this all the time, if straight men could hook up as easily as gay men could they, they would be doing it as much as we are, you know.

And whoever doesn't want to face that truth is not in touch with reality. So, I think it's really a man thing, to be honest with you. You know that that's why we're drawn to that.

Misconceptions About Ethical Non-Monogamy (9:50)

Rob Loveless

What are some common misconceptions about ethical non-monogamy?

Jeff Hudson

I have three. The first misconception I think about non-monogamy is that people automatically think like we're all sluts and whores, okay? And that's not the case.

Just because you're in a non-monogamous relationship doesn't mean you're going out and having sex every other day with somebody new. And maybe you are, who cares, right?

It's like, if that's your thing, go do it. I'm a huge, I'm very sexually liberated. I'm very sex-positive. But it doesn't necessarily mean that we're out, you know, sleeping around every two seconds of the day.

The big one, the big, big misconception, is, I think that people think that if you're in a non-monogamous relationship, that there's something wrong with the current relationship that you're in.

Like there's something malfunctioning. And that could be the case for some people, but I don't really, truly believe that at all.

You know, my partner and I were open for years and years and years, and my relationship just just kept getting stronger and stronger and stronger as we went along during non-monogamy.

You don't have to have something wrong or some malfunction in your relationship to be doing that. And then lastly, I think that people automatically think that it's an excuse to cheat.

And you know, for me, I'm just, I think it's like, forget about that. Just be honest with each other. You don't have to cheat if you talk about it.

Just tell your partner what you want, share your feelings, communicate, and even if they say no, that conversation has now started, right?

And you, that other person who may may have said no, might start thinking about it more and more and more, and eventually, six months down the road, a year down the road, it may become a thing that you guys ultimately do.

Rob Loveless

And I think because of those misconceptions, there can definitely be some judgment or stereotypes placed upon those who are either in a throuple, a polyamorous relationship or, you know, participate in ethical non-monogamy.

So, with that in mind, how does society's perception of monogamy impact those who choose to live differently?

Jeff Hudson

I think we are living in a very good time right now for this.

We, you know, compared to how it was 50 years ago, 30 years ago, even 20 years ago, you know, 25 years ago, I would have been very afraid to talk about being non-monogamous with other people.

But I would say about 15 years ago, I started talking about it, you know, I started seeing it more on TV. I started seeing it more in films.

And now you see it all the time. And when I started talking about it with my gay friends and my straight friends, what I noticed is that people started to engage in the conversation, they got very curious.

They started asking questions. And these conversations will go on for a long time, right? It's not just like, oh, one question. It would, it would turn into an hour conversation.

And what I learned about that is, the more they asked, I realized that they're actually interested.

Like, this is something that maybe they thought about and want to bring up to their partner or their husband or their wife.

So, I think we're at a stage right now where it's becoming a very part of structure of life, and it's becoming very accepting.

Jeff’s Experiences in a Throuple (13:35)

Rob Loveless

Earlier you told us how you and your partner had been open for a while.

So, can you walk us through how your throuple dynamic began, and was it something you and your partner had discussed for a while prior to entering that relationship?

Jeff Hudson

Yeah, so my partner and I became fully open about nine years into our relationship, and for the most part, whenever we hooked up with other people, it was separate.

And that wasn't necessarily because we didn't want to be together to hook up with other people. He was just very into a very different type of guy.

Like he was really into twinks, which doesn't make any sense to me, because I'm not a twink at all.

And I'm very much more into sort of rugged guys, beefy guys, so we can never really agree on who to hook up with, or who to have a threesome with, or whatever.

Occasionally it happened, but not so much, but we always talked about like, sort of finding somebody that was a regular for for both of us.

And 22 years into our relationship, it was around our 22nd anniversary, we went to Mexico for about 10 days. And I met this guy on Grindr.

My partner was down at the beach, and he, the guy, came over, and I like, I couldn't even hardly even breathe. I like, he was my perfect specimen of a human being, and my partner was at the beach.

And I called him. I said, hey, I just, I just remind you, don't come up until I'm done. I'll let you know when I'm ready. So, I hook up with this guy.

When it was all over, I felt like I had this like innate feeling that I needed to introduce him to my partner. I had a feeling that he might even like him.

You know, he was beefy and he was sort of more my type, but there was something very pretty about him as well. There was something very calm about him, very nice about him.

So, they met, and sure enough, they hit it off, and we ended up spending, you know, pretty much that whole week together in Mexico. So that's kind of how the catalyst of it all started.

Rob Loveless

And what were the biggest challenges in integrating a third person into a long-term relationship?

Jeff Hudson

I mean, one of the biggest challenges just for this throuple was that this guy that we met lived in Canada. He lived in the middle of nowhere Canada, so he was a good, uh, two flights from where we lived.

And, you know, there was that challenge of, you know, being together, but we, you know, we did make it work.

And we, when we weren't together, we were incessantly on Facetimes, text exchanges, and all that kind of stuff. So, we were always the three of us, always communicating.

But what I will say the biggest, the biggest challenge for us, and I think it would be for any throuple, is that it's no longer a two-person relationship.

And in all reality, it's not even a three-person relationship, okay? What you have going on here is there's a relationship between me and my partner going on.

There's a relationship between me and the new guy. There's a relationship between the new guy and my partner, and then there's the relationship between all three of us.

So, there's really actually four relationships going on. So, it's like going from this, you know, one partner, to this overwhelming amount of relationships going on and how to navigate and and all that kind of stuff. 

And I would say the other thing that sort of really threw me in the beginning, well, not so much in the beginning, but as we started progressing, was when it started to become really real, I was like, oh, my God, I'm allowing somebody into my relationship and giving them equal footing into a relationship that I have cultivated for 22 years.

My guy knows everything about me and vice versa. I, you know, we have second-hand language where we ask each other questions and get each other's opinions and share and and now bringing that sort of third opinion, that third person who has to, you know, be a part of the equation, that's a lot, you know? 

And especially after you've been in a twosome for so long.

Rob Loveless

And from when you first met in Mexico to, you know, the Facetimes, the texting, bringing them around more, finding time to hang out, how did the throuple evolve over time?

Jeff Hudson

We went home from Mexico, and within four days, I was on a plane to the middle of nowhere Canada, because I knew that the more time, if we let any time pass that, you know, the dynamic of this possibly even happening, not that I was even in the mind frame that we were going to become a throuple a week later, but I knew that we had to sort of like, let's keep in touch.

Plus, I didn't, I wasn't ready to like, part ways with him. So, I went up to, I went up to Canada and spent a long weekend with him. And then after that, he started coming down every weekend.

They turned into long weekends, sometimes a week here and there. And it just very right from the start, this throuple was intense.

It was like we all dove in, and we were all sort of moving in that direction really fast.

As we started to evolve, I would say that I was the first one, possibly the only one out of the three that started to get red flags.

I was starting to feel like maybe there was a different kind of twosome forming between them, and even though they weren't admitting to it, I innately felt it like I felt it deep within me.

Because he would often say things to me and do things when he was alone with me that he wouldn't say or do in front of my partner. So that sort of threw me a little bit.

But that's how we kind of evolved, and it just kept getting more intense and more intense and more intense until it kind of didn't anymore, you know.

Rob Loveless

So how long did the throuple last overall? And then how did you kind of address that fear that there was more of a twosome forming between your partner and the person you had invited into the relationship?

Jeff Hudson

So, shockingly, like I said, my initial relationship was 22 years pretty much the day when we met this third guy. Two and a half months later, in a very shocking way, they left me and are now together as a couple.

Rob Loveless

I'm sorry to hear that. I'm sure that is a lot to handle. So how did you come to terms with that after everything had ended from that?

Jeff Hudson

A lot of it has to do with this book. So right after the relationship ended, I was literally, it was like I had been hit by lightning and not hit by lightning once, but twice.

Because, you know, losing my partner 22 years is getting hit by lightning, and then I also very much loved the third person. So, it was like being hit by lightning twice, you know.

And a couple months after it ended, I couldn't function. I I couldn't think. I couldn't focus. My mind was going, so I, I jumped on a plane.

You know, I thought about, I know this sounds really corny, but I thought about Julia Roberts from Eat, Pray, Love. I thought about Diane Lane from Under the Tuscan Sun.

And I was like, well, if they could go over there and, you know, deal with a, you know, a traumatic breakup, then, you know, why, why can't I?

So, I jumped on a plane and I went to Italy, and I didn't really have any intention of writing at the point, but when I got to Italy, I decided that I was going to start journaling.

So, I went to four cities, I went to Milan, I went to Bologna, I went to Florence, and I went to Rome. And after each city, I decided, you know what? I'm going to post my entire experience on Facebook.

And for the first time in my life, I revealed so much about what was going on in me on Facebook that I couldn't actually believe that I was doing it.

You know, I spent my whole TV career interviewing people and finding stories, compelling stories, and and countless, thousands of hours of this kind of thing.

And so, I turned the tables on myself, and I decided to share what I was going through. And in each city, I sort of had a word that I went through.

So that in in Milan, it was transition. In Bologna, it was discovery. In Florence, it was loyalty. And Rome, it was deliverance. And I got so much feedback on Facebook about what I was revealing.

People were thanking me and saying, you know, thank you for being so vulnerable and sharing. So, this inspired me to keep writing.

So, I kept journaling, and I came home and I kept writing and writing and writing, partly because I needed to.

I had so many thoughts about what had occurred over the last three months that I needed to just get it all out in one section, like one thing, right?

So, before I knew it, I had, you know, this much paper, and I was like, I have a book. I think I have a book here. So, I started having people read it.

And sure enough, a lot of people said, you know what, Jeff, you have a book. You should probably publish it. So that's kind of what inspired me to do that.

Rob Loveless

How did this experience of that throuple reshape your views on love, commitment, and non-monogamy?

Jeff Hudson

Wow. You know, I will say that at this point in my life, I'm not so sure it's about the throuple, but I don't think I will ever, ever, ever be in a relationship again where it's not non-monogamous.

I will always want an open relationship. So, if anybody wants to date me, and you know, moving forward in my life, they're gonna know it's it's gonna be open. It's just what I want to do, it's just where I'm at. 

And I could pretty much honestly say that I would never get into a throuple again, although who knows? That could change, but I don't think I would ever do that again.

But as far as commitment, for me, love comes with resiliency.

And what I mean by that is I'm a very loyal person in terms of when I commit to a partner, I'm not talking about, like being open or, you know, making mistakes and doing whatever, I'm talking about if I commit to a person, I am committing to work through everything.

Like, you know, whatever happens between us, we're going to try and work through it. And that's like loving resiliently for me.

You know, even if my partner cheated, or I ended up cheating, or whatever the case may be, we could still work through it.

If we ended up getting into a throuple and it didn't work, we have to figure out a way to work through it. 

So, and I've always been that way, and I and I was that way with my former partner, which is something I really struggled with that my person, just in the blink of an eye, just got up and walked away and didn't even remotely want to give me the opportunity, or us the opportunity, to work through this.

It never really made sense to me. So as far as that goes, I will, my focus is on just on doing my best to always commit to the person and working through whatever is faced, we're faced with.

Deconstructing Us: My Trouble with a Throuple (26:21)

Rob Loveless

And you previously talked about how, while you traveled through Italy, there were those four themes that came up for each site you stayed at.

So, as you were writing your book, again, that's Deconstructing Us: My Trouble with a Throuple, what did you learn about yourself going through that?

Jeff Hudson

I will tell you that I don't think that I'm ever going to be the same person that I was prior to the relationship ending. I, you know, I had my whole life sort of completed. The puzzle was all there.

You know, I saw the future. I knew how it was going to be with my partner, possibly now with this third guy. I had the whole plan, and overnight, that puzzle just fell apart, right?

All the pieces were now in fact, 100 little pieces. And I had to figure out a way to sort of re-put this puzzle together and look at my life from a completely different perspective.

I had to realize that the trajectory that I was on is not the trajectory that is happening anymore, you know. So now I very much, I know this is cliche. I know we've all heard this a gazillion times.

I really am trying and doing my best to live in the moment. I try not to look too far ahead anymore, because I was, I was all, I'm a TV, I was a TV producer. You know, it's in my blood.

So, like, I was always, you know, three weeks ahead, five weeks ahead, a year ahead. And I really am trying now to here's today. Let me enjoy today. What's going to happen tomorrow?

We don't need to worry about that right now. Just enjoy the moment. So that's kind of where I'm at in my headspace right now.

Rob Loveless

And what do you hope readers take away from the memoir?

Jeff Hudson

I have a lot of things in the book that I really, truly, you know, some really valuable lessons and awakenings I do hope to pass along.

A couple though, I really want to hope, I hope people can see the difference between ethical non-monogamy and what works and what could be self-destructive.

So, I hope that as far as that goes, people can see that. I also am and I did this because I think the conversation between men about breaking up and the, and loss of love is not something we talk about often.

Men are supposed to be strong. We're supposed to, we're not supposed to cry. We're not we're supposed to get over it.

Like, if we break up with somebody, or somebody breaks up with us, oh, you'll move on. You'll find somebody. I even heard that at the very beginning of this.

There's a, you know, a lot of people understood, but a lot of people you were like, oh, you're gonna get over this. Maybe I'm not gonna get over this. You know, it's 22 years of my life.

And there were a lot, a lot, a lot of nights of like crying and incessantly and bawling to the point where I couldn't breathe.

And, you know, as men, as a culture, gay men, straight men, bi men, whatever, I don't think we we talk about and allow ourselves to be vulnerable about loss of love and what it feels like to hurt that way, you know.

And I really hope that people read that and see the tools that I sort of got along my journey, that helped me get through my journey.

And finally, I talk a lot about it in the book, is really listening to your inner whisper. I think we sort of like that gut, you know, gut feeling kind of thing.

But I think we all have this inner whisper, that little person on your shoulder, or somebody whispering in your ear about what feels right and what doesn't feel right.

You know, if something and for me, everything felt right in the beginning, everything felt exciting and new and exhilarating and like I'm in a throuple, and I have fallen in love the second time in my life.

But then I, my inner whisper started telling me things, you know, and I should have figured out a way to listen to that whisper earlier on and dealing with it and how to deal with it.

So, I'm hoping that people will will pick up on that as well.

Advice for Opening Up a Relationship (31:08)

Rob Loveless

What advice would you give to someone who may be in a monogamous relationship, but they and their partner are considering opening it up?

Jeff Hudson

A couple things, I would say that communication is paramount. I think that being honest about what you're doing is truly key.

You got to talk to your partner about what you're doing and what you want to do and all that kind of stuff. If you decide that it's going to be a Don't Ask, Don't Tell situation, that's still communicating.

You've both agreed to be Don't Ask, Don't Tell. If not, I think that you should always talk about what you're doing and who you're doing with and when and how and all that stuff.

I would also suggest that if you're not sure, like if you're worried about it, I would say, start off with doing it together.

Doing it like inviting, you know, if you're gonna have a threesome, invite the person over that so you're both present, so you're both experiencing the same person at the same time.

And I would also consider, because this is how I did it, too, I would also consider doing it, you know, at lower levels, right?

Don't just jump to full-on intercourse and full-on, you know, group sex, or foursomes or whatever. Like do little stuff, you know, some foreplay, and see how that goes.

And if that goes well between the both of you, then move it up. Do oral, you know, whatever the case may be, and then kind of advance it.

You don't have to jump into it and go, you know, hit a home run, right, you know, right away.

Episode Closing (32:47)

Rob Loveless

And connecting it back to the tarot, The Emperor. Again, this card is pure masculine energy. It's very action-oriented, and it's reminding us to take inspired action from our own personal power within.

And being the fourth card in the Major Arcana, it's really reminding us of our structures and having a stable, strong foundation.

If you think about it, you know, emperors traditionally were seen as leaders. They implemented laws and rules on how they wanted to govern what they ruled.

And I think we can see a lot of those connections in our discussion with Jeff today.

We live in a time where our relationships don't have to adhere to what the traditional heteronormative societal expectations were from the 1950s.

So, whether that means being in a monogamous relationship, being in an ethically non-monogamous relationship, being in a polyamorous relationship, we have the ability to create what feels right to us. 

And while that can be a lot of gray area, it's really important that we're reminded of our own personal power to use our voice in that situation.

Just like The Emperor, we need to implement those boundaries and those rules so that we feel comfortable operating within the relationships we are in, regardless of what type of relationship that is. 

It's also important that we're really logical. Like we said, The Emperor is somebody who's seen as being very wise and having a ton of knowledge, so we don't want to react emotionally and out of fear.

We want to really think things through logically and make sound decisions based off of what we know is going to serve us best going forward.

Excerpt from Deconstructing Us: My Trouble with a Throuple (34:06)

Rob Loveless

Well, Jeff, thank you so much for coming on today. This was really great to talk about.

As we're coming to the end of the episode here, can you read an excerpt from Deconstructing Us?

Jeff Hudson

Sure. I'm, I'm gonna read you a little part, like when I first met the third guy whose name is Lucas. Well, his name is Lucas in the book. I had to change his name:

"Lucas alerted me that he was on his way over walking from the rental he was sharing with his girlfriends. He checked in about halfway through his trek and declared he was sweating profusely from the humidity.

Not my favorite thing. Sweat, that is, but I didn't think too much of it. I just wanted to meet this guy who managed to charm me silly during our textual flirtations. I was beyond intrigued, and I innately knew I was going to surrender my entire body to this guy.

There was something about him, the way he communicated and his pictures, that I knew I wanted to go all the way. When Lucas arrived, I had to go fetch him in the lobby. The elevator door opened, and there he was standing across the expansive room.

The smile, the eyes, the body language all matched the Adonis I wanted him to be. He seriously took my breath away. I almost didn't even know how to proceed, but I went with the basic. Hey Lucas, I nervously blurted out from across the room. Hey, Jeff, he responded, his grin widening.

We shook hands and went straight for the elevator. My body was shaking with so many hormonal triggers, so the only way I could stop the tremors was to lunge at him, which I did. I went in for our first kiss, his perspiration and everything else that came with it.

My sweatphobia dehydrated quickly. When we got to the room, I suggested he take a quick shower to cool off. Even though I would have gotten through all his body drench, I was still skeeved out by it. Better to rinse all that away, since there was a shower nearby.

As Lucas cleaned up, I called David to profess how insanely hot Lucas was and that I couldn't believe this was happening, and to remind him not to come back to the room until I was ready. I also mentioned that I really wanted to take the submissive role, and David gave me his blessing.

An easy blessing it was, as I look back at it now. I was literally requesting to bottom with a total stranger and David said, okay, as if I was just ordering an extra appetizer to accompany one of our takeout dinners.

I went to check on Lucas in the bathroom, and he was already out of the shower, but I noticed that he was putting his clothes back on. Why are your clothes on? I asked.

I presumed he had changed his mind, and he was preparing to leave, but then Lucas smiled bashfully. I knew it was his way of saying, I'm a gentleman, and I'm just trying to do this properly. It was a statement that didn't need to be spoken, but it was felt."

Rob Loveless

That is a passage from Deconstructing Us: My Trouble with a Throuple by Jeff Hudson.

Connect with Jeff (36:54)

Rob Loveless

Jeff, thanks again so much for coming on today. Can you tell the listeners where they can buy your book and learn more about you?

Jeff Hudson

My book, there's a bunch of links for my e-book and for my print book on my social media, jhudgolden, @jhudgolden, but it's available on Amazon.

It's available on Barnes & Noble, Smashwords, but there's a link to all of them if you go to my my Instagram, jhudgolden.

Rob Loveless

And all those links are in the show notes, so definitely go out and get the book after you're done listening to this.

Connect with A Jaded Gay (37:25)

Rob Loveless

And you know the drill. If you have any questions or feedback for this episode, you can reach out to me, rob@jadedgay.com.

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Mmm-bye.

Outtake (39:04)

Jeff Hudson

As far as, like, as far as it relates to throuples and polyamory, I think...of course, there's a fly here. As as far as it relates to, do you see that fly flying around me?

Rob Loveless

I actually thought it was a bird or something at first because it flew right towards the camera. So, I saw this big black blur come at the camera.

Jeff Hudson

Of course, like this is, this is probably my my grandmother being like, what are you doing?