137. Who’s Your Daddy? (with Sal Zambito)

Snarky Opener (0:00)

Sal Zambito

I very much matured into a daddy through the homoerotic part of it, and now I feel like a daddy is a mature man. You know, 40 to 60.

What happens after 60? Does it say in the dictionary?

Episode Introduction (0:34)

Rob Loveless

Hello, my LGBTQuties, and welcome back to another episode of A Jaded Gay. I'm Rob Loveless and, today, I am a non-jaded gay because I had a Reiki session, which was amazing and much needed.

I haven't had that kind of energy healing for, like, two years. The last Reiki session I went to was right before I moved from Pittsburgh to Philly.

And just there's been a lot of change the past two years, and some stressors here and there. I felt like my energy was all out of alignment, and it was such a great experience.

I feel refreshed. I feel re-energized, and I am ready to go.

Daddies (1:08)

Anyway, from energy sessions to daddy lessons. Today, I am excited to have a very special guest join us to talk about all things daddies.

That's right. Listen up, boys. We have talked about daddies in the past. Obviously, it's a gay archetype that so many of us are familiar with.

So, I thought it would be fun to bring this expert daddy on today to talk about the archetype.

But before we get into it, let's pull our tarot card.

Tarot (1:35)

Rob Loveless

So, the card we drew today is the King of Cups. Cups is tied to the element of water, which is all about emotions. In fact, you can think of your emotions flowing freely like water.

It's feminine in nature, so it's asking us to reflect and meditate. But the King is full of healthy masculine energy, which is action-oriented. So, we're getting a blend of both energies with this card.

The King is also the final card of the suit, so we're just about at the end of a cycle or chapter and about to begin a new one.

This also represents the mastery of the suit and the authority in the knowledge we've gained from Cups. The King possesses empathy, compassion, and emotional intelligence.

And this card can represent someone in our lives or ourself. And this card is telling us that whoever that King figure may be, they're an emotionally mature person and have gained control over their feelings and emotions.

Now that doesn't mean that they don't experience feelings and emotions, but they've learned to process them in a healthy way so that they can react logically to situations and not let their emotions get the best of them.

Basically, this King reflects the perfect balance between engaging our head and our heart. And it's someone who builds strong relationships through compassion, understanding, and patience. 

Guest Introduction (2:47)

Rob Loveless

And with that in mind, I am very excited to welcome our next guest. He is a former Wall Street executive and my favorite daddy from season two of For the Love of DILFs, hosted by the lovely Stormy Daniels, please welcome Big Sal, aka Sal Zambito. Hey, Sal, how are you today?

Sal Zambito

I'm great. How are you?

Rob Loveless

Doing well, thank you. Just like we were talking about before, it's a pretty productive Saturday for both of us. 

Sal Zambito

Yeah.

Rob Loveless

Well, thank you for joining us today. I am really excited to have you on this episode to talk all things daddy, For the Love of DILFs. So much to cover. It's gonna be fun.

Before we get into that, though can you just introduce yourself to the listeners? Tell us a little bit about how you identify, your pronouns, background, all that fun stuff?

Sal Zambito

Sure, my name is Sal. I went by Big Sal on the show For the Love of DILFs. I'm 60, holy cow, 61. I'll be 62 soon. And my pronouns are he/him.

You know, I have experienced a lot in my life, but yeah, yeah, I'm definitely a daddy.

And it was really fun interviewing for the show and sending in the tape because I was so ready to, like, blurt it out, like, what makes me a daddy.

And it was so much fun talking about my my history and my background and how I got to where I am today.

Rob Loveless

Awesome. I'm excited to talk all about it. Like I said, I'm a big fan of For the Love of DILFs, it's a lot of fun watching.

Before we talk all about, you know, daddies, the show, all that, I did want to start out. Today, are you a jaded or non-jaded gay and why?

Sal Zambito

I try so hard not to be a jaded gay. Listen, I'm from New York. I'm gay. I'm a jaded gay, and I've been through some shit.

Rob Loveless

Fair enough. I think, you know, especially given some recent things, it's, it's a little bit more jaded weather.

Sal Zambito

Yeah, listen, I mean, I feel like jaded is, like, is, is a negative word. But honestly, I try to give everybody the benefit of the doubt.

And as I'm getting older, I'm getting less and less concerned about what other people do. And so, it's actually I don't feel as jaded as I probably was in my 40s, honestly.

So that's something you guys have to look forward to. As you get older, you get less jaded.

Rob Loveless

We love to hear it.

What is a Daddy? (5:00)

Rob Loveless

Well, I did a little research about the background and history of the term daddy and how it came to be. 

So, the Historical Dictionary of American Slang states that the earliest recorded use of daddy in a non-paternal context dates back to 1681 when it was used by sex workers to refer to their procures or older male clients.

Then during the 1920s, the term appeared in blues music and African American Vernacular English, often referring to a boyfriend, particularly an older man or a quote-unquote sugar daddy.

According to Esquire, in the 1970s, the gay community then adopted the term daddy to represent the leather subculture, which gave rise to the phrase leather daddy.

And as a result, over the years, the term daddy within gay culture has been used to describe a man who's dating a younger man.

In fact, Urban Dictionary defines a gay daddy as a gay man who is usually middle-aged between 40 and 60, who has a more dominant personality, and doesn't mind providing monetary funds and/or protection and guidance to his mate or boyfriend.

Know Your Meme states that daddy is a term of affection used to address a male authority figure or idol in a sexualized manner.

And some reference a daddy as an older gay figure who offers mentorship or guidance, either platonically or romantically.

And also, kind of lastly tying it in here, in the BDSM world, a daddy/boy relationship can mirror the dynamic characterized by dominance and submission.

And there's a lot there. And truthfully, I didn't realize the term daddy extended that far back.

So, with all that in mind, I was wondering, what is your personal definition of a daddy in gay culture?

Sal Zambito

Okay, well, that was a great background. I loved reading that when you sent it to me, and it all made so much sense to me.

My feeling right now about me personally and other daddies that I know, I feel like the term connotates a mature man who has done a lot of already done all his cringy things and made a lot of mistakes, and may or may not be in a financial situation to provide a stimulating environment to have fun.

I mean, that's the way I look at myself. I once had a young boyfriend, and he complained that it's not fair. You always, you know, the money makes me feel weird and stuff.

And I used to say to him, it's like gasoline, like, you know, we want to go do stuff. I have the gasoline. Let's go.

But for me, my my transition into, you know, daddydom actually started when I was in my late 30s and had my first younger boyfriend, and then I got into the leather scene.

And, you know, was very much that macho cap, you know, harness boot daddy. I had a boy. He used to clean my boots. And it was really cool.

I was, I very much matured into a daddy through the, you know, the homoerotic part of it. And now I feel like a daddy is, is, as you laid out, a mature man, you know, 40 to 60.

What happens after 60? Does it say in the dictionary?

Rob Loveless

It, well, it was Urban Dictionary. So very loose definitions there. They're not as um factual, let's say as, like, you know, Cambridge or Oxford.

Sal Zambito

Let me tell you what happens after 60. We become invisible. But we'll talk about that.

Rob Loveless

No, we definitely don't want to erase or have any invisibility there. So, as I think we're establishing here, daddydom does not end after 60.

Sal Zambito

No.

Rob Loveless

So, you talked about a little bit how you began identifying as a daddy. So, what did you learn from embracing your inner daddy status?

Sal Zambito

For me, it the first time I was called Daddy. I went Ouch, but I was already more aggressive and dominant in the bedroom.

And I was getting older, and my boyfriend was younger, and he was like, this cute like he was so much fun.

He was a he was a Colt model, if you remember Colt Magazine from back in the day, and beautiful guy. 

And he helped me realize that those weren't bad words, you know, it wasn't the old terminology from the hookers and their Johns or daddies, you know, it was like, Oh, Daddy. And so, growing into that felt really normal and natural to me.

And I've always been a leader, a manager in my in my prior career, I managed a lot of people over 35 years in financial services, and so I've always been that guider, leader, coach, mentor, person anyway, and then my life sort of, I started being attracted to the younger guys and just naturally clicked with me. 

And actually, when it's the right two people, and it's a good fit, and everybody knows their role, it can actually be really great.

Rob Loveless

I like how you're talking about that there that for a long time, I think Daddy was associated with aging or a certain age. And, you know, aging is a big no no in the gay community.

But I think over time, it's really kind of captured the essence, like you said, just somebody more dominant, and not even necessarily, like, you know, a dom/sub relationship, but just kind of more authority, you know, mentorship, compassion, protection, kind of like paternal in a way.

Like somebody watching out for you and watching your back. So, I think now, as it relates in the gay community, it's not confined to a specific age. It's more of a personality.

Sal Zambito

I agree. I agree.

For the Love of DILFs (9:52)

Rob Loveless

You talked about a little bit when you were auditioning for For the Love of DILFs, that you had to kind of put together a tape of why you consider yourself to be a daddy.

So, going off of that, can you tell us a little bit about the audition process for that and how it led to starring on season two of For the Love of DILFs?

Sal Zambito

So, the hardest part was, I got something on Instagram, you know, and I'm like, okay, I'm gonna, I'm gonna do this. I had just finished renovating.

Well, I was in the middle of renovating this house I had just bought, and I had been upstate New York, just like, deep, and I don't know if you've ever done that before, moving from room to room, it's a nightmare.

And I was ready to, like, jump in the Hudson River in the freezing cold, but instead, I made this tape. And the hardest part was, they said, Send us a URL. Don't email the file. And I'm like, I know what a URL is, but how do I make one?

I don't have my own website. Like I didn't understand. Luckily, Google, if you have a Google account, there's actually a little button that says, Make URL. Anyway, so I figured it out.

And it was really fun because part of my audition was, I'm a daddy in all sense of the words, you know, I've experienced a lot, from the filth of Folsom all the way to partying in a tuxedo at the Royal casino in Monaco, you know, and like, that was a pinch me moment when I was there in that casino where, in Monaco, where you they see all the movies, John, James Bond, movies and stuff like, you know, I was in there in a tux at work, and to me, that was, like, one of the pinnacles, like a highlight, a bucket list item I didn't even know I had.

But you could also, you know, two months before see me at Folsom, you know, getting my dick sucked in the back alley like so I've been around, and I've had a great life, and I've had really wonderful experiences in and out of the gay community, and I feel that's important, because, you know, some younger people now who grow up, they're just instant gay and always out, you know, even in high school.

And I'm a lot older, so I remember a time when it was more conservative, you know, we had to be more conservative to blend and fit in and stuff. And so, I had a lot of experiences that were not, you know, typically gay.

The audition process was, I sent that tape in, and then they called me, you know, we had a couple of video things, and they're like, well, what do you think you could bring to the show? And I said, a little class.

And they were, I mean, it's kind of ballsy to say to the, to the producers, but you know, they were really good about it, Daddy TV and OUTtv, they're super cool people.

So anyway, so after the couple auditions, they invited me to join the cast, and so I went to Florida, where we filmed in Fort Lauderdale.

And the premise is they had to start with six daddies and six himbos, and they match you up. And ours was kind of random, like the himbos picked us when they were blindfolded, and Aaron picked me.

I was first in line, and he was first to go, and he picked me, so I was automatically with Aaron. And and then they introduce other people, and you compete to to date other people and stuff. It's really fun.

It's a bit superfluous. I mean, actually, you know, kind of silly and unnecessary, but actually really fun. 

And I think this show especially brings together a lot of multicultural, multi-body type, like all spectrum of gay people together and let the social experiment begin.

Rob Loveless

I know you said there's a fun story behind the name Big Sal. So, can you tell us a little bit more about that? 

Sal Zambito

Okay, well, I'm Italian, so besides the obvious, you know, obnoxious reason I always loved Big Ange.

But okay, so I had a client named Sal once in one of my jobs, and we traveled to Hawaii together for this event, and we got stuck in the airport, and his wife kept saying, Sal, Sal.

And I turned around every time, and she's like, oh, my God, this is so funny. She goes, we're just gonna call you little Sal.

And I was with other people from work, and they all looked at me, and I said, Look, Listen, sweetie. I know you're my client and everything, but no one has ever called me little Sal.

She's like, all right, then you're Big Sal. So, I became Big Sal. And so that's, that's kind of how it stuck.

Rob Loveless

And I like what you said there, too, because with a lot of dating shows in general, sometimes on the surface level, they can seem kind of goofy, like, if you look at like, Bachelor in Paradise or The Bachelor, it's all, you know, cheesy, or it's, you know, they're really playing into certain tropes here.

So, when you see a show like For the Love of DILFs, you're like, what's this going to be like?

And while there is some of the, you know, fun upfront like that, it does go so much deeper, and there is really a lot of emotions in it.

And like you said, its cast was very diverse. It's great to see that reflected in the gay community.

So that, in mind, can you tell us a little bit more about your experiences being on the show?

Sal Zambito

Yeah. So, what was really interesting was, I, I was one of the first people eliminated, Nick and I.

And fortunately, I had a couple, two, three testimonials where I got to talk about what it's like to be an older gay person. You know, I mean, I was definitely the oldest person by 20 years.

There's a lot that happens in those 20 years between 40 and 60 in your life.

And it also, you know, I'm from a different generation in terms of outness and gayness and gay acceptance, and so I don't think any of those people lived through the AIDS crisis, and I did.

And we used to go to the gym and not see a friend and wonder what the fuck. I mean, that's horrifying. 

So, I did, Andrew Barret Cox, who does the interviews for the testimonials, he's a really cool guy.

He made, he got me to cry twice in my testimonials, which is not really that hard to do, but I do come off, as, you know, some people say aggressive and gruff, but I am definitely a teddy bear inside, and I have a very big heart, and when you do, it's easy to get hurt.

And so, you know, I was talking through a lot of my experiences growing up as a sensitive, caring person in a really cruel, harsh environment. So, it was great to get that out.

And I was I also got to talk a little bit about becoming more invisible as you get older. And what I mean by that is, clearly, I'm not invisible. I have a lot of friends and fans and stuff, and it's very cool.

I'm a very happy person. But as you get older, you become attractive, attractive by less and less people. So, your slice gets smaller and smaller.

And so, you know, as I'm doing the show and stuff, it made me realize that I don't fit in all the places I used to, and I'm not as attracted to people as I used to be.

So, it's just a, it's a, it's a, you know, it's something to get used to and and our culture, really, as you mentioned earlier, does not really know what to do with the old guys.

Rob Loveless

A couple years ago, I did an episode on kind of touching upon aging in the gay community, because there seems to be this thought process that 30 equals gay death.

And as you kind of touched upon in your answer, I think part of that is because we lost an entire generation of gay men through the AIDS crisis.

So, it's not even, I don't think it's necessarily just even that people aren't attracted to older people. But for so long, there's been an absence of gay elders, so to speak.

You know, people who have aged, you know, 60s, 70s, 80s that we would see in, you know, a heteronormative society because unfortunately, they were lost during the AIDS pandemic.

So, I think it's something, to your point, hopefully, we're starting to see some more representation of that beyond just the 20-year-old twink or the 40-year-old gay couple on TV, but seeing fully diverse of all ages, races, body types, representation in gay media.

Sal Zambito

Yeah, you know who's doing a really good job of that right now is Nasty Pig. The guys who own Nasty Pig, they're getting a lot of attention, and they got some awards.

They were recently, I'm not sure what it was, but they're doing a whole profile on, like, real Nasty Pigs of New York.

And there's a lot of old people my age. It's great to see these testimonials and things, and they're doing ad campaigns. It's really, it's really validating.

Rob Loveless

To your point too of what we were saying earlier, with the large diversity within For the Love of DILFs season two, it seemed like regardless of backgrounds, ages, all that, everyone was really able to come together.

And they're, even beyond just the pairs of people who were paired up as a couple, it seemed like there were deep bonds built there, and that there was this great sense of camaraderie between the cast.

So, what was it like making those connections?

Sal Zambito

So, the daddies got really tight really fast. We were stuck in that room a lot. We slept all six of us in a room, and we spent a lot of time in there while they're filming other stuff.

So, you have to be in the room. And we got to know each other very well.

And I really what that was one of the greatest things for me because I don't, I don't sleep in the same hotel room when I go on vacation with friends, like, I don't like to be in with six guys that I didn't know.

It was like, totally getting me out of my shell, in my comfort zone. And what happened was instantly we started really telling truths about ourselves, and that's how you get close, you know.

And I made some great friends. And I really enjoyed that aspect of being, like, the experiment, you know. 

Like when I first was headed down there, I was like, how am I gonna live in this room with six guys that I don't know? And actually, it was the best part. We had, I made some really good friends.

Anthony and I are very close, and we hang out a lot. And all the people, I didn't meet anybody on that show who I didn't like.

Like, every single person was cool and different in their own way, and very nice.

Rob Loveless

Even, you know, if you go on Instagram, it seems like former castmates are tagging each other in their posts, like they're still getting together.

I think season three, I think it just, did it just premiere that everybody was together for the party?

Sal Zambito

It's not over yet. It premiered a few weeks ago, and actually, Tuesday night, I'll be at the viewing party in New York City for the next episode.

There's this person Candystore who runs a viewing party at the Park Lounge every Tuesday night down in The Village and, East Village, and it's really a great experience.

And for me, I went every episode last year. So, we did red carpets in New York and LA and to open red carpets in New York and LA to close. And in between, Candystore had this amazing viewing party.

And every Tuesday night I found myself up on stage with a microphone. One time, I said, did you not learn to not give me the microphone after last Tuesday?

And it was so cool to be around people who instantly like you. You know, I grew up in corporate America 35 years ago where you're only as good as your last mistake, and everyone's fighting and just awful, awful scenarios.

And, you know, family situations and my high school was off, you know, all that stuff. And then I'm on this show, and it's like, Sal. Big Sal. Big Sal. Everybody's like, hey, how are you?

You were so great in the show. And so, it was cool to be around people who liked you instantly for no reason. And you have to prove for them to not like you. You know what I mean?

It's just the exact opposite. And it was so much fun. In fact, I was in gay ski week in Aspen last week, and I got recognized a few times at some parties.

This guy was like, I have to take a picture with you. My boyfriend is infatuated with you on the show. So, it's cool. Like, that's really fun.

I mean, I obviously, I don't consider myself a celebrity by any means, but you know, it's definitely been a really fun experience.

Rob Loveless

And I know you said that you said that you made some great connections through the show, both, you know, current cast mates, previous cast mates, fans alike.

So, what has the reception been since people seeing you on For the Love of DILFs?

Sal Zambito

So, what's weird is I have had no one come out of my past to say, Holy shit, I saw you on TV.

But everybody who I has watched the show, and everybody who has saw this has seen the show and seen me in person or whatever, if I got recognized, has been very positive.

I didn't have enough opportunity to make a complete ass of myself. I didn't have any, you know, catfights, no bitchiness. I didn't, you know, cussing, but I didn't get caught on a hot mic saying something stupid. 

And in fact, that was the most the hardest part was waiting for the Edit, and they my edit was, was good. It was a little kind of boring maybe. That's fine. I'm I would rather have had my time be true and honest. 

And like I said, I had an opportunity to talk about some very important things to me, rather than making a spectacle of my, spectacle of myself. I don't, I didn't want to go on there just for attention.

I'm not about just getting clicks. I want to, really wanted the experience. And if I had met somebody, that would have been great too. So, the whole thing really just was fantastic.

Rob Loveless

And I think that really came through through watching it. I mean, I agree. I wish you could have been on longer. I was yelling at the TV when you got voted out.

But, I mean, I think you seemed very true and genuine throughout. I could be biased because I really liked the Italian aspect. My family is North Jersey Italian, so I think there's that connection there.

But I think, you know, I really appreciated, I think everything you described is really how you showed up on the show, which was really great.

And with that in mind, you know, talking about bringing your background and your experiences along with the experiences other cast members brought, why are shows like For the Love of DILFs so important for our community?

Sal Zambito

Honestly, I feel like society still treats us a little bit like stereotypes, and we're not. We are everything. And you know, you had me, a retired investment banker.

You had, you know, everything else across the entire spectrum of humanity on there. You know, there's a data analyst, there's, you know, all kinds of people, like, we're everywhere.

We're not just hairdressers and waiters. I mean, I know that's, I'm saying stereotypical things, but those are things I felt in my in the past, in my life. So, I feel like a gay dating show.

My friend said to me, when I told him I was gonna do it, he goes, you know, what? If straight people can have shitty dating shows, so can so can gays.

And I thought that was funny, and it's not a shitty dating show. It's a good dating show, but it is, you know, obviously reality TV, and it fits a certain niche.

But honestly, our show, For the Love of DILFs represents all aspects, all parts of our community.

And how cool to have Stormy Daniels, I mean, as a host, to be just like a giant fuck you to America.

Like go fuck yourselves and leave her alone and and that was another thing, obviously, working on a show, becoming friends with her and her husband. They're very cool people.

Rob Loveless

She was a great host. It's a lot of fun watching it. And I love you know, the phone calls coming in from the daddy and like she's reporting back to him on all the happenings in the mansion.

Life After For the Love of DILFs (24:11)

Rob Loveless

So, you've talked to us a little bit about what your life has been like after the show, and your Instagram says you're currently doing dad stuff, which includes residential real estate development, cooking, sewing, interior design, and farming.

So, can you tell us a little bit more about that and what's next for you?

Sal Zambito

Sure. So fortunately for me, I worked my, I hustled for 35 years and I was able to retire. I retired twice, actually.

Once when I was 50 and then once when I was 55 but so I've been retired for about six years now fully, and when I retired, I made a list of things that I like to do because I don't know if remember that What Color is Your Parachute? That book from years ago?

The first paragraph says, if you want to figure out what you're supposed to be doing, try to remember what was the last thing you were doing when you completely lost track of time.

The only thing that ever happens to me with is cooking, sewing, and gardening, farming/or working on a project in my house.

So, I made a list of things that I wanted to do in my life, that I was interested in, and I went to Europe and I went I studied diamonds in Amsterdam, I went to Austria, and I worked as a furrier.

I went to Italy and learned a little bit about leather and how they tan leather and bag making and stuff. And so, I'm home now, you know, and I'm renovating home, houses that I live in, generally.

So honestly, after the show, I had no Big Sal Instagram. I had no social media presence except for my personal one. And I had some help, actually, from Timmy Hilton, who's on the season three.

He lives in the same town I do in New York, and we worked, he worked with me. He helped me. I paid him. And, you know, to work, do some work and teach me how to do this.

He's a really great social media manager. So, so I wanted to start, you know, showing making videos and recording and stuff, showing things that I'm interested in.

And honestly, nothing's really clicked, like there's no I do everything I do because I like it. And I'm actually not chasing a dollar right now.

So, it makes it it's weird, because if, if you, if you're not hustling to earn, I don't think you work as hard. So, for instance, I make, I make bags. Actually, just sent one to store me. I'm so excited. She's sent me all right now.

But I don't want to sell them. I don't want to have customers. You know what I mean? Like, if anybody ever called me complaining it broke, I wouldn't, you know, I just, I'm just not the place to have customers right now.

So anyway, so I do all these things that I love. I'm showing the world on my Instagram, and I get people, I interact with, people who ask questions and stuff, and so it's really fun. And I don't have a goal at this point in terms of all those things that I'm doing.

However, I did just start a book, and there are no promises, but I got some encouragement from some people, and so I started typing.

So, I'm actually working on a book, and it may or may not come out someday.

Rob Loveless

That's so exciting. Congratulations! Can you tell us a little bit about what your plan is for the book's premise?

Sal Zambito

I'll tell you how it starts. So, I do a lot of work for my father right now, who's older, and it's part of the reason I'm in New York to take care of his houses and businesses and stuff.

And I had to rescue him the other day, the car was on fire. And I, after I put the fire out, and my dad exited the vehicle like coughing and, you know, being all dramatic, I stood there with the fire extinguisher, and I was like, Is this real? Like, did this really just happen?

And the book starts out, yes, the car is really on fire. And I want to, I've been doing a lot of work with a therapist.

I do EMDR work. I don't know if viewers know what that is, but it's a very cool process by which you talk through traumas in your life and unpack the cognitive processing that's layered on top of itself in your brain, and it interacts, it affects everything that you do in your life, but this EMDR process helps to unpack that.

So, in doing that, I have discovered that I have a lot of stories to tell. And everywhere I go, people say, you should write a book, you should write a book because I can deliver these stories in a very humorous way. 

These very traumatic things that happened to me and my family in a humorous way, and people laugh, and I'm always like, you know, that's really not funny. I guess the way I told it was funny.

So anyway, so it's a, it's a, my book starts out, yes, the car is on fire, and it's gonna backtrack from there.

Rob Loveless

I mean that's a big venture to take, and I know it can be intimidating, but I think writing is a really great way to kind of, like you said, get out some of what you've been thinking about, what you've been talking through, and it sounds like a great premise. So, I definitely hope to read that someday.

Sal Zambito

Yeah, and it's great I can type without looking. So now I'm using that skill that I developed once. I don't know when.

Rob Loveless

In addition to that and, slight spoiler, we had talked about, unfortunately, you didn't end up with the himbo you had been matched with on For the Love of DILFs.

But can you tell us, is there any special guys in your life lately?

Sal Zambito

So, I am single. Single, single, single. I have been for 12 years, and it's sort of by choice. I have been actively avoiding behaviors that don't come from a good place.

So, I have a tendency to be a little bit possessive and jealous. So, it's very hard in this day and age to date a younger guy and be like that.

And so, I had backed myself into some corners, and I've been single, and actually, my last person I dated was an actual sociopath.

So, you know, I ended up, whoa, and decided to take a break, because I ignore red flags, you know, like red flags look like green ones waving to say come here, Sal. Come on, take this one on.

So, I've been purposely. It would take a really special person to...I'll give you an example. I met somebody last March who was super cool, worked at Goldman Sachs, had a dog, vintage car from Greenwich, Connecticut.

We clicked. We had a great, lot of stuff in common. We had a great time together, a couple dates, and he ghosted me. And I'm not used to that, like, just be upfront. Like, I don't think it's gonna work. Whatever.

I don't, you know, but ghosting? What is this? I don't get it, and I don't want to be in a in a place where I have an opportunity to be ghosted. I just don't like stuff like that.

And I guess people do that. I don't know. I come from a different time.

Rob Loveless

I think this digital age we're living in, it makes it so much easier to ghosts.

And people forget that there's another person on the other side of that profile or that text message, and it's like, just have a conversation.

Sal Zambito

Yeah, this guy was like, this guy, this guy was like, he was leaving. We were together once in a hotel, and he, like, put his foot in the door to get from me, closing the door.

He's like, wait. And I said, What? And he said I don't want to leave until we have plans to see each other again. Now you could hit and quit, like, I'm fine with that, right? But, okay, yeah, let's make plans.

How about next weekend? Okay, great. And then that person, that same person who put his foot in the door so I couldn't close the door, said, nothing. He like disappeared. It's just weird. I don't, you know.

It's like somebody once said to me, well what are you looking for? And I said, well, some they have to have ambition, some kind of passion, some goals, some some type of motivation to make their life good and great and give back and have a family and all this stuff.

And my friend said, oh, so you're looking for a mini-me?

Rob Loveless

I mean, I think those are all good qualities to have, you know?

Sal Zambito

Yeah. I also am, you know, I'm finding myself more attracted to other activities in terms of, instead of dating, like, what's going on in our world right now.

And I'm looking for ways to get involved because I'm absolutely disgusted by by what's going on in our country right now in terms of this government and the bifurcation of the gay community into these small splinter groups.

And what really pisses me off is I feel so used by cis people, whatever. Oh, now we're normal gays.

Okay, so you're gonna Splinter our community and take our most vulnerable, smallest part of our community, our trans brothers and sisters, and pick on them? Go fuck yourselves.

Like that really irritates me. I've had two people in my in my life that I've loved: my first boyfriend who is now trans, and I actually loved a trans boy.

And God help the person who hurts either one of those people. Like that's how outraged I am. And at my, at this point in my life, I have the freedom to be outraged and to do something about it.

And I'm I'm actively looking for work with the Trevor Project, and I'm gonna change my estate and my trust so that when I die, majority of my money goes there to to charities, and it's just outrageous.

I'm disgusted. I hate to be an American right now. I'm just so fed up with these people with the bathroom bill.

And I actually happen to own a house in North Carolina, and that's where, I don't know if you know this, that's where they started that whole bathroom bill. Like, okay, what are you going to do?

You're going to put cops in front of the bathroom and let me, let me see your junk? And then what are you going to do, if the person is trans? You're going to handcuff them and put them where?

Like, they're so ridiculous. They make all these stupid statements and resolutions and laws and stuff and have no follow-up for it. I'm just disgusted. I can't, I just don't know.

I just don't know how, and that's actually caused big, big fracture in my family.

And I'm not speaking to a lot of my family right now, and I feel like if you have gay children or siblings, you have a responsibility to find out what's important to them and be with them, not against them.

Rob Loveless

Definitely. And to your point, I think a lot of people think, oh, I have a gay son or a gay daughter, and I still have a relationship with them, so I'm an ally. I support them.

But really, there's a difference between tolerating somebody in your family who's gay, versus being an actual ally or actually lending support, listening to issues that affect the entire LGBTQ+ community, not just one individual you know within it, and putting your money where your mouth is, and voicing up against, you know, hate and joining protests and signing petitions.

Because I would like to think, it seems like a large amount of people in the country are very supportive of gay rights, even trans rights, but the very few that have the power right now are ignoring what the country wants and doing what they want instead.

Sal Zambito

And this whole bathroom thing. Do you think a trans person is gonna expose themselves in the bathroom? They're so fearful of that whole situation anyway.

Like it just makes me sick, and what you just said in your family, I have a My cousin's a very close friend of mine, and her son just came out, and I told her, I said, I don't know, we didn't talk for a long time because I'm afraid to find out she's Republican.

And I said, I don't even want to ask you, but I'm just going to tell you, your son just came out. He's 18 or 19 years old.

Your responsibility now is to find out what's important to him and what's going to protect him. And in fact, you know, if you want to vote however you want to vote, just don't involve me in your life.

And right now, I'm taking care of my father, who's a bigot, and I'm do all his stuff for him, and he he can't even say he's sorry for all the things that he said about me.

We went to lunch one day, ran into an old friend of his, and the woman said, Who's this? And he said This is my son. She looked at him and said, I didn't know you had a son. I'm 60.

Imagine his friend from 50 years ago didn't know he had a son. And he don't care. It's really sad. It's like, I'm dealing with, I'm I'm good, like, in spite of all those things, I'm a very happy and positive person.

I do a lot of great things that I enjoy in my life, and I'm actually working, you know, closely with my therapist now how to, like I said before, unpack all that stuff, because every time I'm around these people who I feel have used me, I have a visceral reaction.

It needs to be channeled into something good.

Rob Loveless

Definitely, because a lot of times it could feel like we don't have a sense of control over our own lives. 

And obviously, we do want to be aware of what's going on in the news, but we need to also know our limitations and protect ourselves.

And like you're doing, I think reconnecting with your passions, discovering new hobbies, is a really way to take care of us when it feels like there might not be other people there to take care of us.

Sal Zambito

Yeah.

The Importance of LGBTQ+ Representation in Media (36:35)

Rob Loveless

And with that in mind, you know everything going on politically right now. Why do you think the kind of representation in gay media, in particular, For the Love of DILFs, gay dating shows, why do you think that's so important?

Sal Zambito

I think it's really important because as as I told you, you know, I'm 60, so I was around for the normalization of gay. So, before you couldn't be out, at work it ruined your careers.

And then, you know, suddenly we had a show like Will & Grace, which was to, you know, a gay lawyer and a gay flamer and their hags. And people got used to them and like, oh, well, people are cool.

Gay people are cool and funny. And I know a gay guy and so and so. So, you know, we became normalized. You know, it's almost became vanilla, right? So, all right.

So, there's more to us than that, you know. And I feel like gay dating shows, the show I was on, the other shows that that they those guys do OUTtv and Daddy TV, they do some Slag Wars and stuff like that, some really kind of out there things.

And the show with sex workers, and I think it's really important because we're not afraid to out or to present all of the aspects of culture that already exist anyway.

I mean, these homophobes, you know, how many of them have, Christians, homophobe Christian lawmakers have to get caught sucking dick behind the gas station before people realize that, you know, their hatred is about themselves and not about us?

And so, I feel like the more representation we have on every media, every medium, every platform, is the better for everybody. It's just better for everyone. And maybe one day they'll just stop picking on us.

Rob Loveless

Definitely, definitely. And what do you hope to see in the future regarding LGBTQ+ dating and reality shows?

Sal Zambito

I would like to see an all-trans one or, you know, trans and non-trans, to get like. I would have loved it there had been a trans boy on that show. I feel like that would be a great a great one.

I also pitched a show which I would think would be really awesome, where they loved it. I don't know what's going on. I keep checking in, hopefully they'll pick it up.

But so, you mentioned earlier the socio-economic aspect of daddies and boys. So having one daddy and six boys competing for for my, his, my attention. It's a great premise for a show actually.

I think it's really funny, like everybody, all the boys would get a credit card when they when they get come in the house and it stores their bank, and as they win, they get more bank.

And then when they get eliminated, the card gets cut. Anyway, I have a great house to film it in. Yeah, no, I'm really ready. I pitched it. They really liked it. So, I hope, hopefully, it would work.

But I also feel like some of those, some of those stereotypes, and those tropes that you mentioned are kind of fun and cool.

You know, like, I would love to have six guys competing for my attention and get to say, No, you, you, you, yes, you.

Rob Loveless

Could be a spin-off, For the Love of Sal.

Sal Zambito

Yeah, For the Love of Sal. Come and get it.

Daddy Lessons (39:53)

Rob Loveless

And with For the Love of DILFs in mind. Circling it back to the daddy concept there, like we talked about, there tends to be that erotic component to the whole daddy/boy dynamic, an older guy dating a younger guy.

But I do think there's something much deeper there. So, what do you think we can learn or teach each other daddy to boy?

Sal Zambito

So, the erotic part is very stimulating to me, like I really, you know, especially eye contact and the whole, you know, calling me daddy. It really works for me.

But I guess, accepting who you are and knowing what your role is in a relationship or a job, or, I think self-acceptance and not having negative connotations about some people are passive, you know.

And I think I think actually, with the proliferation of porn, I think especially when I when I grew up, you know, bottoming was a bad word, you know.

And it's just things are becoming so much more digestible in terms of people have types, and people are passive or not, or whatever. I think that's all becoming more just well-known and discussable.

And so, what I think we can do now is help each other learn, you know, help each other into scenarios where we're just comfortable, and it's not, you're not ashamed of who you are.

You express who you are and and enjoy yourself and express what you need, and don't compromise. And then you find the right person to click with.

Rob Loveless

And I think that's something that For the Love of DILFs encapsulates perfectly, and they captured it in the show. Like you had talked about, you had cried on camera. A lot of people on the show cried.

Everyone was there for each other emotionally, regardless of whether they were daddy status or himbo. 

So, it was really just an emotionally supportive atmosphere, which, regardless of how we identify in relationships or archetypes, we need to be there as ourselves, and those people will be there to support us as well.

Sal Zambito

Yeah, I agree.

Episode Closing (42:07)

Rob Loveless

And connecting it back to the tarot, the King of Cups. Again, this card is representative of somebody who's an authority figure who has mastered the element of Cups.

They're emotionally mature, and they've gained control over their feelings and emotions. So, they know how to process them in a healthy way and build relationships through compassion, understanding, and patience.

And talking through this episode today, I think that's something you can definitely see reflected in the daddy archetype.

Again, obviously, there is a homoerotic component of a daddy, you know, somebody older, maybe more dominant, but really beyond the sexual connotations of that, we can look to these daddies for more than just that.

There's obviously components of mentorship, emotional support, learning, comfort, all these qualities that are really important to have and also to provide within the LGBTQ+ community.

And if we are talking about a daddy in regards to the typical age difference there, there is a lot we can learn.

Like Sal talked about in this episode, on For the Love of DILFs, the contestants, both the daddies and the himbos, they formed really deep bonds with one another and offered emotional support both ways, regardless of the role they were cast in.

And for ourselves, personally, whether we identify as a daddy or a boy or somewhere in between, it's really important that We know who our authentic selves are, and that we act in genuine ways.

And regardless of our age or our archetype, we can all provide that emotional support and compassion that's so desperately needed in the LGBTQ+ community, and regardless of where we identify, we have so much we can teach each other and also learn from each other.

So going forward, let's all work to be the most emotionally mature person we can be, and that way, we can foster interpersonal relationships within the community that are built on compassion, understanding, and patience.

Connect with Sal (43:44)

Rob Loveless

Well, with that in mind, Sal, thank you so much for coming on today.

This was a really fun episode to record. Like we talked about, obviously the daddy/boy thing, it's sexy, it's fun, but there's also a deeper component to it. So, I really am glad we were able to talk through all of it. 

With that in mind, where can listeners learn more about you and connect with you?

Sal Zambito

I am pretty much doing everything on Instagram, and it's @bigsaltv. And I pretty much post everything there.

I'm on and off TikTok. I don't know what's going on with that. It kind of irritates me that it's a pawn. I just don't know, I've got a bad taste in my mouth, but pretty much everything's on Instagram @bigsaltv.

Connect with A Jaded Gay (44:22)

Rob Loveless

And you know the drill. If you have any questions or feedback, you can reach out to me rob@ajadedgay.com. Please remember to also rate, review, and subscribe to the podcast. I greatly appreciate it.

For more information on this topic, blog posts, links to merchandise, socials, all that fun stuff, you can visit the website jadedgay.com.

You can connect with a podcast on Instagram, TikTok, SoundCloud, and YouTube @ajadedgaypod. You can follow me personally, Rob Loveless, on Instagram @rob_loveless.

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Or if you're scared of commitment, don't worry. I get it. You can make a one-time donation on Buy Me a Coffee for any dollar amount, and both the Patreon and Buy Me a Coffee are @ajadedgaypod.

And remember: every day is all we have, so you got to make your own happiness.

Mmm-bye.

Outtake (45:49)

Rob Loveless

And actually, I have one last question, because I realized I forgot to ask it at the beginning, which I normally do, so I'm just going to throw it in there.

You know, I always like to ask people when they come on if they're a jaded or non-jaded gay. So today, are you a jaded or non-jaded gay, and why?

Sal Zambito

I try so hard not to be a jaded gay.