129. The Gay Wellness Revolution (with Peter DeWitt)

Snarky Opener (0:00)

Peter DeWitt

I mean when I say lifestyle, I say it loosely. I don't mean like, you have to join a wellness cult. I just, and drink green smoothies.

I just mean, like, you know, you're into this kind of flavor. Like, you know, we're about cultivating a sense of mindfulness and goodness, and so I think, like, we have a need for people to come together.

Episode Introduction (0:36)

Rob Loveless

Hello, my LGBTQuties, and welcome back to another episode of A Jaded Gay. I'm Rob Loveless and, today, I am a non-jaded gay because I just got back from a trip to New Orleans, which was a lot of fun.

So, I was there earlier in the week for a work conference, and then I decided to extend it a few days and just do a little exploring myself. I had been there last year for a long weekend for a bachelorette party.

So, I had already seen some of the spooky sites and some of the Voodoo history and all that stuff, but I decided to stay a few extra days.

My aunt actually flew out and joined me, so we had a lot of fun. We did cemetery tours, a little bit of history about the French Quarter, had lots of good food, so it was just a fun time.

But all that being said, I am glad to be home, because after being gone for, like, a full week, it's just nice to sleep in your own bed.

LGBTQ+ Wellness (1:24)

Rob Loveless

Anyway, regardless of which bed you're sleeping in, something you should not be sleeping on is taking care of your emotional well-being.

Obviously, our mental health, our emotions, it's something we talk about in almost every episode, and as we approach the holiday season, sometimes our mental health may suffer.

You know, it tends to be a busier time. It can be stressful being around certain family members you might not see eye to eye with, and there's just a lot of stressors all around.

So, I'm very excited to have a special guest on today to talk more about our emotional well-being. But before we get into it, let's pull our tarot card.

Tarot (1:59)

Rob Loveless

So, we drew The Chariot, which is a Major Arcana card, meaning this is indicating something big in our lives.

The Chariot is number seven in the Major Arcana and, in numerology, seven indicates inspired action and magic, and it's kind of a transformational number.

And when we draw this card, it's signaling momentum and that we're about to move forward.

Now it's important to note that while chariots seem like vehicles for moving, this card isn't depicting movement.

The traditional card shows two sphinxes attached to the chariot, but they're resting and waiting to take action.

So, when we draw The Chariot, it's telling us that we're about to embark on a new chapter in our lives.

However, before taking that action to move forward, we really need to be intentional and have a clear focus on what we want to achieve and what we want to move toward.

So, we need to create an action plan and listen to our intuition to guide us.

Guest Introduction (2:52)

Rob Loveless

And with that in mind, I'm very excited to introduce our next guest. He is the founder of Gay Wellness. Please welcome Peter DeWitt. Hi Peter. How are you today?

Peter DeWitt

Hi, Rob. I'm well, thanks.

Rob Loveless

Awesome. Well, thank you for joining us today. I'm super excited to have you come on to tell us all about gay wellness.

I think it's a very important topic we cover in a lot of our episodes, but especially as we're coming up on the holiday season. So, tons of great stuff there.

But before we get too into it, can you just introduce yourself to the audience, let them know a little bit about you, how you identify, your career, all that fun stuff?

Peter DeWitt

I'm Peter DeWitt. I am okay with any pronouns that are floating through your heart.

I started the Gay Wellness, GayWellness.com Directory a few years ago, and as a result, now I stare at a computer a lot of hours, and so I guess you could say that's under the rubric of digital marketing.

I also do massage therapy, and I do one on one yoga, and I do somatic therapy.

I've been, so I've been a practitioner in the healing arts and the wellness space for about 10 or so years, and then I started the site a few years ago. So that's what I do.

Rob Loveless

And today, are you a jaded or non-jaded gay and why?

Peter DeWitt

First of all, great question. Second of all, I would say non-jaded. I think, I think I would do anything to be non-jaded, just because I think life is crazy and fascinating, and there's just so much to learn and so that being said, what I really want to say is, my sexuality has been a roller coaster journey of discovery.

So, I thought I was this, but turns out I was that. And then, no, it wasn't that. Actually, it was this. And then now I am 40, and no, it turns out.

So, I could, I could get into that, but all that to say is that mine has been one of life sort of unfolding and blindsiding me with new things that are arising out of my mind and body and desires, and, you know, expressions of gender and of sexuality and preference.

So, on that note, life has kept things very interesting so I don't feel jaded yet.

Rob Loveless

Great answer. We always love to have a non-jaded gay in the house.

Peter DeWitt

Totally.

Rob Loveless

Well, getting right into it, let's start off with a pretty big question to tackle: why is mental health and wellness so important for gay men?

Peter DeWitt

I mean, the simple answer, from my point of view, is that we have so much to work through as you, just to use your phrase, work through.

And I was reading, if it was The Velvet Rage or one of those books that was saying it so in such a psychologically coherent way that essentially, gay men were 10 years developmentally behind our our straight peers.

And when I read that, now I don't know if that's true, and how would one verify that anyway. And of course, it's just a broad statement.

I mean, not all gays are developmentally in different in the same place, but when I read it, it really resonated in a certain way for me, of like, just certain ways and behaviors and ways of feeling and looking at the world that are, you know, just still emerging and still growing and developing in me, yeah, and, and in a lot of, you know, gay and queer people.

So, we need, we need, I see wellness as almost like something that we need. One thing that it just became really poignant for me.

Of course, there was my own journey into it, but it was 2020, I was in Los Angeles, and there was the Black Lives Matter uprising. And it was so it was so palpable. You know, you could feel it.

I mean, you could see it on the streets. There were cars on fire in LA.

So, what was coming up in me was sort of a similar urgency, but for the gay community, the you know us as a community, the gay community around our mental health, and what was coming up in me was like,

Well, look, I see, you know, this movement over here, and this is absolutely essential. And of course, you know, how can I be in solidarity with it, etc?

And but then I started to think about me and my people, you know, the community I'm a part of. And I thought like, well, but like, then what, you know, what, what about us?

And then I thought about, I was like, okay, so I get it. We got our rights right in 2008 as you know, same-sex marriage became legalized. But that's not, that's not it like, that's not, that's not the answer.

I mean, that is a huge step forward. You know, if you go back to the 50s, just the having the label gay, as opposed to nothing, and just being like invisible, that was huge. Stonewall Riot. That was huge.

You know, we could go through, you know, the AIDS crisis, and then the response to the AIDS crisis, that was huge. And then, you know, the legalization of gay marriage, we're still at kind of the bottom.

This is all kind of at the bottom of Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Like, we're just like, okay, we exist. We can vote.

So, does that mean that we're that we're now like, that, that that's the end of the story? Is that the end of our progression? No, I think that there's a lot of work to do.

I think we're just at the beginning of our maturing as a people. And so, I think wellness is essential. And wellness is such a broad word, like, what are we talking about when we say wellness?

I mean really, mental health is kind of at the core of it all. But mental health extends, as we know into so many different realms. You know, whether it's going for a jog or talking to a friend.

I mean, you know, but yeah, I just, I feel that it's important because it's something that we've never really taken on as a project and said, this is what we're doing.

Now, for example, I think there are ways in which we have, like now, we have, you know, PrEP, and we have these new brands coming forward, you know, MISTR is now big, and there's, you know, sexual health has moved to the forefront, but mental health has, is still, is still something that where I think we're, we're, you know, we're, we're learning how to, how to be, how to be well.

That's kind of the broad, I mean, that's kind of like a broad, you know, I'm painting with a broad stroke, but that's kind of the gist.

Rob Loveless

What was your relationship with mental health and wellness as a gay man yourself?

Peter DeWitt

I mean, yeah. I mean, that's, that's really my whole life has been one of trying to reclaim myself. I grew up in a very unfriendly environment, shall we say. Mexico City in the 80s and the 90s.

And then, was not a very was not there's you know, you can't, you can't be gay and out in Mexico City in the 80s and 90s, even early 2000s.

And then we moved to Nashville, Tennessee, and I went to a Christian private school.

So, I didn't even the, I didn't even know, you know, most gay men or queer men, and I interact with hundreds, you know, probably thousands in the just in the last eight years, just through my work.

When I asked them this question, when did you know it seems like it's anywhere between six and 12, or maybe, I don't know, late teens.

Every now and then it's like, oh yeah, in my 20s. I was one of those. It wasn't until I was 24 that I even knew I was attracted to guys. That's how repressed and buried it was in me.

I was attracted to women, and so I've spent, really, the last 12 years, and it is ongoing, you know, in therapy, doing yoga.

I mean, the list is long of all the things I've had to do to sort of do that deep dive and reclaim that, really, that essential part of my being. It's a, you know, for me, it's not even at the level of, like, labels.

It's at the level of, like, a fundamental energy, like, if my being was sort of, you know, a an entity.

There was, like a chunk of it that was just hidden or repressed or invisible or hiding, and, yeah, it's been a lot that my life so far has been one of digging, excavating, and reclaiming and allowing that part to re-emerge and reintegrate.

So yeah, everything from the discovery to the experimentation to the coming out, which is really like a multiple-year process, and has had many iterations, I don't know, maybe, for some people, coming out is like, boom, I came out, and then that was done, and it was like, Thursday afternoon, and then I came out, and then that was done.

And for me, it's been like multiple iterations of coming out. So, um, what I want to give that as the background to then say, well, that's what got me into yoga.

That's what got me into then studying trauma therapy. I studied trauma, somatic trauma therapy for three years.

Became a practitioner because I needed it, and then I wanted to give that gift back to others and serve others.

And then, yeah, and then massage, and then, you know, teaching meditation, or, you know, various things, but yeah, basically it's, I, I mean, I had, you know, nervous, I mean, I don't know how deep we want to go into it, but I had nervous system dysregulation.

I had narcolepsy. I was diagnosed with narcolepsy as a teenager. I I've had all kinds of different physical maladies, or, you know, malfunctions, if you will, that were a result of my body just kind of giving up and shutting down because that part of me, you know, the mind and body are so interconnected.

And yeah, a lot of psychosomatic illnesses and things that were just not working properly.

And so yeah, and the last five, six years, particularly, there's, there's been a big resurgence and coming into alignment, and almost like awakening, I won't say gay awakening, because I had that like 16 years ago, but more like my nervous system and body and my mind coming back into a sort of harmony.

So, I guess you could say I was kind of low functioning for many, many years, and then, as a result of a lot of hard work, boom.

And then, yeah, I mean, the journey continues of this, I call it an integration phase, and integration of a younger, earlier part that that wasn't fully able to be or exist in this world, and is now feeling more and more safe, more and more available online.

Rob Loveless

Thank you for sharing that, and I think that's a great example of kind of the journey of sexuality. It's not like you said, coming out once.

It's an ongoing task, and learning about yourself, and, you know, putting wellness into practice or different venues, whether it's energy healing or yoga or massage, those things you talked about.

Gay Wellness (15:08)

Rob Loveless

So, with all of that in mind, what inspired you to create Gay Wellness?

Peter DeWitt

Yeah, I mean, I was basically a California hippie for 15 years. And you know, what does the word hippie mean these days? Well, I mean, there are many, you know, there are many flavors of hip of hippies.

And I was this, I was this sort of the yoga, experimental music, kind of backpacking, camping, mind-body movement, Yogi, hippie. And at some point, I was like, well, okay, I do want to start a business.

And, you know, it'd be nice to have a like, I, yeah, I like making. I was, you know, I was a piano teacher for 12 years. And so, um, you know, I, I was composing music.

I've been a music composer since I was a teenager. Music, music was kind of, this is kind of this beautiful, nebulous realm that doesn't exist in physical form, that's kind of you can, kind of, if you want, you can escape into it, and you don't have to be in this world.

So that was a good, let's say that was a very useful place for me to inhabit for a lot of my life.

So, you know, I yeah, like I said, I started writing music when I was a teenager and got into classical, I went to college for classical music. So then fast forward.

Fast forward into my mid-30s, and I was trying to get out of teaching piano and integrating more of myself in the world, in my body, in my sexuality, in my true self.

And, yeah, I wanted to start a business. So, the pandemic, when the pandemic hit, I started doing massage. So, the story goes that I was in San Francisco.

I'd been teaching gay naked yoga online over Zoom. And, you know, we had this big, like, flourishing kind of group online, and it was fun. And then I just started to feel the potential for this kind of, like, oh, sorry.

So, then I started doing massage. I threw my ad up on these other sites, which shall remain unnamed right now, but because they're now the competition.

But you know, I started getting a ton of clients in San Francisco, and I was like, oh, my God, this is amazing. And I love doing massage. And you know, I had been learning it.

I didn't go to school, so I'm not certified, which is still legal, by the way. But you know, I was getting all these clients, and I started noticing these issues with these other sites, the other gay massage website.

You know, the review system was kind of not really authentic, shall we say, a lot of the reviews are fake. There's really no quality control. There's really no personalized customer service. They were overpriced.

I could go on. And I was like, Huh, okay. And I started talking with my close friends, a lot of them are massage therapists, yoga teachers, etc, in San Francisco.

And through that, it was in that period and there were, there were just a lot of really long, deep conversations about these topics that we've been talking about right now, the gay movement, the gay gay community, what the gay community needs, wellness, trauma, and then massage, and then directories.

So, it was like, there was just, like, a lot of kind of interesting, you know, rhetoric circulating in my, in my friend group there in San Francisco.

And as a result, I was like, dude, well, we need, we need, we need a new site.

And so, it just started off as this kernel of a seed of a new massage directory, but then we're like, well, no, it makes sense to also have the gay yogis. And then, like, Well, what about the life coaches?

Well, yeah, like, okay, so we'll, basically, we'll have this hub. So that's what, you know, that's where the idea was born was through those conversations.

And I moved from San Francisco to Palm Springs, and, you know, I took all my life savings, and I just started going for it. I didn't know anything at all about directories and how like because, you know, they're different than regular websites.

You can't just use, you know, Squarespace, or even WordPress, really. You have to get it's a very specific type of thing, and then you have to customize it. And so, I jumped into the whole learning process.

And I mean, that's kind of the, that's kind of to answer your question that's how it started.

Rob Loveless

For all the listeners out there, can you tell us what is Gay Wellness and how does it differentiate itself from other directories and platforms in the wellness and massage therapy space?

Peter DeWitt

Yeah, so Gay Wellness, GayWellness.com, is a directory, and first and foremost, it's it's more than just directory, and I'll get to that, but it's primarily, right now to as of today, a directory, meaning there are practitioners in eight categories.

I'll go through them, who list their services, their profile, they have a profile, and you can go and read about them and their profile, and then you can book them.

Click to text, click here to call them, click here to email them. We have, obviously, massage therapy is the the most popular category. We have more massage therapists than we have any other category.

Hair and skincare. So, we've got, you know, barbers, male waxing, laser hair removal, etc. Fitness and yoga, so personal trainers, and then also yoga teachers and studios. So, we're at three.

We're gonna see if I can get all eight. I always miss, um, therapy and coaching. So, all, all psychotherapy, social work, counseling, life coaching, all types of coaches, whether spiritual coaching, executive coaching, etc.

So, we're at four. We got so there's a health and wellness category, and that's sort of almost, well, sorry, we call it holistic wellness.

It used to be health, so it's holistic wellness category, sort of the miscellaneous category, anything like anything that doesn't fit in the other so, acupuncturist, you know, chiropractors, you know, we have a naturopathic doctor.

We have a dermatologist in there, we have a dentist in there. We have, well, several, we have a nutritionist, you know.

So holistic wellness is sort of the, you know, anything that falls under that broad category. Okay, we're at five. It's not gonna get there's one.

Oh, yeah. Uh, resorts and spas, gay resorts, gay spas, saunas, they're listed as there as well. And then love and matchmaking.

You did not anticipate that, Rob, but it's, it's, yeah, so, so, so, actually, there's really only a handful of them, but they're pretty awesome and what they do.

Yeah, they basically, you know, you sign up with their service, and they, they set you up on a date. I went on a date with Daniel and Anthony's service in LA. It's really cool to work they do.

By the way, I guess I said, there are eight. Those are the eight, but there's one more, and this is the one we're really excited about building out over the next few years, which is the client members.

So, we'd like that's for, you know, just any and every one, to create a little user profile. And then we want to, we want to create a social environment where people can interact, kind of like a holistic Grindr.

I don't know what that means but fill in the blank. So, so it is, so it is a directory. Um, I think, I think that covers it, yeah.

Oh, so how it differentiates, though, is, right there is just kind of, you know, you have gay massage sites, but they don't have any of these other categories, and a lot of these practitioners, I mean, I just got an email earlier today, just this is, this happens all the time.

Hey, I'm listed on your site as a massage, but I also want to create a profile for my manscaping and male waxing. Or, you know what I mean?

So, a lot of us practitioners, we, I mean, I'm, I just told you, I do three things, right? We have multiple hats and things that we've learned over the years. So, yeah, that's how we differentiate.

That's number one is we have multiple categories of wellness, not just one category.

Two is that we emphasize authenticity, and by that, specifically quality. In other words, we try to attract and promote practitioners who take their craft seriously and are really trying to get offer a quality service.

This is a big pain point in our community, particularly when it comes to massage, finding someone who is going to give you the service that A, they say they're giving, and B, that you're looking for.

So yeah, the way we do that, we do a certain amount of, I don't want to call it vetting, but yeah, like scouting, vetting, outreach to practitioners that we believe in and want to promote and like, just think they're awesome.

And we also have a review system that, you know, is legit, meaning the client has to have an, you know, an email account. Like, let me slow this down.

The review system is kind of really the thing that instigated we need a new site because the other sites' review systems are kind of.

So, the review system on the other massage sites are not helping the practitioner succeed based on the quality of their work, right?

So, the way our directory works is okay, first of all, the reviews have to be legit. They have to be from a verified client email. And then we approve the review, and there are spam reviews, we remove those.

But also, the more reviews and the higher your review rating is, ranks you higher on the page. Well, that's really important when it like right now, in LA, we have 90 massage therapists on the site.

So, if you're if you don't have reviews, or you don't have good reviews because the community has not vetted you or voted you as such through quality reviews, then you're going to rank lower.

So, this is we're trying to build a system that that incentivizes masseurs, massage therapists, for example.

I mean, this applies to all categories, to do better work, to provide a good service, and then, therefore you'll get the better review, and then you'll rank higher. I mean, that's just how that's how Yelp works.

That's how most directories work.

Wellness & The LGBTQ+ Community (25:56)

Rob Loveless

So, you talk through a lot of that about different resources connecting people, clients, and different practitioners together, as well as some future-looking statements for that.

So, if, can you go a little deeper into how Gay Wellness fosters a sense of community and connection among the users and practitioners?

Peter DeWitt

That's something we want to do more of. I would say what we did in Los Angeles, 2021, 2022, and the first half of 2023 was kind of a seed of what we would like to see more of and do more of.

So, we had regular events of many kinds. When I say we, Gay Wellness partnered with practitioners, and whether it was one practitioner like Trevor James doing a massage workshop, or Daniel and Anthony and doing a gay singles mixer for a hundred gay men, or partnering, we partnered with the Tom of Finland House, and we did a Wellness Fair.

We had everything, yoga, manscaping, live nude drawing, tantra, you know, massage. I mean, it was like, you know, and then we also partnered with the AT Center.

It was the first LGBT Recovery Center, and we were drawing anywhere between 70 to 200 queer people at those events.

We had drag queens, comedy, and then we had a whole wellness section where the practitioners are doing their services. So live events is pretty key. That was just what we did in LA.

I don't think that like it has to be about Gay Wellness specifically as a brand because Gay Wellness is also just like a movement, and it's not really just the brand, about a brand.

You know, I could right now rattle off 10 different subgroups who are doing or communities who are doing this, that kind of thing that I just described, like the, you know, yoga and massage and bodywork and Tantra and education around intimacy, work, worked and workshops in many different cities that are not Gay Wellness.

So that being said, I think it's about connecting those dots. Like one dream I have would be that you, you're a gay man, you don't know anyone in Philly, or you don't know anyone in Miami or London or whatever.

And you step into that city, and you get on GayWellness.com and they're a slew you could just pull it up, and you see all the events, all the practitioners, and just thousands of profiles of gay men who are into this kind of lifestyle, wellness.

I mean when I say lifestyle, I say loosely. I don't mean, like, you have to join a wellness cult. I just and drink green smoothies.

I just mean, like, you know, you're into this kind of flavor, like, you know, look for better or worse, you know, I don't have, I don't judge anything or anyone.

You know, this is about people who are, like, we're about cultivating a sense of mindfulness and goodness, and so I think, I think we have a, you know, we have a need for people to come together.

And that would be, that would be my dream. So, I guess my answer is, we're not really doing it, but we want to as we grow.

Safety & Wellness (29:17)

Rob Loveless

How do you ensure that Gay Wellness maintains a safe environment for both clients and practitioners?

Peter DeWitt

I mean, the review system is essential, and for the client it's it's hard because we're not a company so that, you know, the practitioners are not our employees.

We have a lot of, you know, fields and forms where, you know, we encourage practitioners to really fill them out and say what they do and offer and don't.

That being said, the practitioner is really our main focus.

So as far as safety, I mean, when we're talking about massage, the lines have been blurred so much around between escorting and massage, sex work and massage, that it's, it's, it's become, it can be a fraught environment for practitioners, for massage therapists who don't offer sensual services.

If you're getting into the game massage scene, or if you're already in it, you already know it's, it's something you're running into almost daily is you're getting hit up for sex or sexual services.

Now, if you do, you do, if you don't, you don't. You know, my personal view of it is that, you know, there's nothing wrong with sex work. Sex work is very important. I think sex work is awesome.

It's just that sex work is sex work, and massage is massage, and you go to school for massage, and you learn certain techniques. And sex work is its own, you know, universe.

And so, there are websites for that, but the blending of the two, you know, because like when you wake up and your shoulder, you know, people's shoulder is hurting, they need a good massage.

So, we need a site that reflects accurately what you're gonna get and then has legitimate reviews. But then for the practitioner, we have just little things, like, for example, we, um, we implemented the No Monkey Business icon.

It's a little monkey and it just says, No, No Monkey Business. So that's for guys who want to put on there, you know, I don't do any of that extra stuff. No monkey business.

So, we're just, we're also being kind of tongue in cheek and playful with it, because this is not, you know, we don't want to be all like weird about it, and like the Victorian anti-sex, you know.

At the same time, we want to, you know, we want to have some boundaries around it, so just little things like that. There's really not much else you can do outside.

You're just providing a platform for people to interact.

Another thing we're trying to build is sort of, on the, on the back end is like a spreadsheet, city by city, for people to put certain information about certain people who are predators, because that can be an issue.

So that's something that we're working on. It's a little bit of a delicate issue, but, yeah, something that we're thinking about.

Inclusive LGBTQ+ Wellness (32:14)

Rob Loveless

And in what ways does Gay Wellness address and promote inclusivity within the LGBTQ+ community?

Peter DeWitt

It is a longer-term project. We have, I think we have three trans-identified people on practitioners on the site, and we, I know we have a few women on the site who work with gay men, a lot of gay men.

We have a lesbian-owned, lesbian-run hair salon. We there are several organizations that are LGBTQ that they're not just gay men oriented. So that would, you know, but that's, that's a longer-term project.

I mean, they the gay male for male industry is industry, you know, community is a very tightly knit, thriving scene.

So, so, yeah, we, you know, we could just focus on that, but we are trying to, we are expanding it out into other realms.

And it is important to have that visibility. It's, it's, it's not something that we want to do it in a tokenizing way. It's like, okay, make sure we have x amount of these type of people.

But it's just something that is important to us. And we've gone out to, you know, put the word out.

I think this is actually, this is part of a much bigger and more difficult conversation, because this is something I was working with the AT Center with, because we were doing these events, like I was saying, the monthly, sort of wellness fairs with drag queens and comedians and then the wellness folk, and we would have up to 150 or 200 people, and it was for LGBTQ.

And what we would see, the gays would hang out with the gays, the lesbians would hang out with the lesbians.

And then, you know, it, there was a lot of, there's, there is a lot of segmentation in within the community, at least this was, you know, just in Los Angeles.

So, this is, I feel like this is part of a bigger conversation, and it needs to happen. So, I guess my answer is, in the long term, this is something that's really important.

To be honest, we're still just getting our engines revved up like we've got, we've got a thousand practitioners on the site. We're growing in 20 cities. And so, it's a little bit mayhem. It's a little bit chaotic.

I mean, it's things are running fine, but it's like, I've got, I've got a few guys in the, in the United States who are there on the phones every day, and we're, we're calling, we're just like, okay, oh, I got, you know, I got, like, these 15 guys to get back to, oh, my god, I'm so tired. You know what?

I mean. So, it's a little bit. Like, it's a little bit like that working, but like as but we have the vision for that broader inclusivity. Yeah.

The Future of Gay Wellness (35:08)

Rob Loveless

How do you see the future of wellness and massage therapy evolving for gay men, and what role do you think Gay Wellness will play in that future?

Peter DeWitt

So, one thing that's, one theme there that's very near and dear to my heart is that there, there can be more education, more learning about various modalities. I'll just give an example.

Craniosacral therapy is a very subtle practice, and it involves cupping the hands, hold, holding the cranium still, and then just doing these very subtle movements.

And what it does is it opens up all, you know, not only all the muscles of the neck, but the vagal nerve splits into 10 nerves, into 10 cranial nerves.

They go up into the head and that that that cranial, those cranial nerves converge down into the, into the what is it, the poly, the vagus nerve, thank you.

And it goes all the way down through this, you know, through the center of the body, down into the pelvis.

So why it's called craniosacral therapy is basically, it's stimulating these natural cerebral fluids, cerebral spinal fluids, fluids that are in the brain to move and circulate through the body.

And it's, it's, it's such a profound process of loosening up blockages. So, it's, it's physical, it's emotional, it's, it's a spiritual thing. It's, it's not like, it's not Reiki, it's not energy work, and it's not massage.

It's its own thing. And it's been, it's a very advanced practice, and requires a lot of training in it. And it's, and it's, it sounds like, oh, it's like, very simple.

And it can seem simple, but it's actually a very advanced form of therapy, and it's deeply healing.

I got into, it's one of those things that, if you live in San Francisco, and you get in deep into the mind-body community, you learn about, and there are many things like that, rolfing, for example, or, you know, you know, I don't know, bioenergetics, or, you know, somatic experiencing, trauma therapy.

There are so many modalities that are available to us that we don't know as a community. And we just were just like, okay, sweet, I want a Swedish. I want a massage.

What type, you know, light, light pressure? So, so we, I would love for there to be more learning and more knowledge that's available to us, even just around the types of therapy.

I know it can be overwhelming and confusing to to know what type of therapy, I mean, you know, it's like, it's like, it's like yoga, it's like, there's like, there's no such thing as music, there's no such thing as yoga.

There's Hip Hop when it comes to music, there's hip hop, there's opera, there's rock and roll and there's heavy metal, those are all completely different.

Like, they're so like, night and day, like you could listen to one genre and say, okay, well, I hate music. Well, no, what if you listen to this genre? Oh, well, maybe that's more your style.

And that's the same with yoga, with psychotherapy, with massage, and with life coaching, with, you know, with so many different things. So, yeah, just more education.

That being said one other thing again, we did this, a seed version of this in Los Angeles, is we had a few practitioners, and I helped them market it, but I didn't, I didn't teach it.

I'm not advanced enough as a massage therapist to teach massage, but they taught massage to just lay lay people, like gay men who want to learn a 60-minute massage sequence.

And they were practitioners who did, like a it was like a three-week series.

So basically, just creating more gay massage therapists out there, and basically, it's creating more part-time jobs, so I would love to be a part of that.

Wellness During the Holiday Season (39:06)

Rob Loveless

Well, shifting gears a little bit, we're coming up on the holiday season, which brings up a lot of different emotions, and can be a stressful time for some and this comes after another tumultuous election cycle.

So, you know, going home to see family, maybe you have non-affirming family, which already adds a little stress and tension to the mix.

And then if there's, you know, political debates or anything like that, it can really kind of put a damper on the holiday season and spike anxiety.

So how can gay men prioritize their mental health and wellness over the holidays this year?

Peter DeWitt

I'll also speak from my experience on this one. I don't think there are any easy answers, especially if your family is not accepting.

If your family is accepting and you have a great relationship with your family, great, that's awesome.

If you don't or you have a difficult family dynamic or situation, I mean, I would just say, what I tell myself is, you know, it's okay to just sip, take little sips instead of taking a big gulp of family involvement, family interaction, family immersion.

So, like, you know, I used to do this thing where I would go to see my parents in Madrid, Spain, and I would stay, like, three weeks, and it was like, I was, I live in California, or I did, and so I was living on the other side of the world.

So, when I did go there, I wanted to be there for them. I wanted to show them, you know, I love them. I wanted, I felt a little guilty for not living nearby and taking care of them.

So, I would stay for three weeks. After the first week, I would get physically ill, and at that time, they were not accepting.

So, I think what I've learned over the years, and, you know, they have changed a lot, but either way, the principle still remains for me of like this taking sips instead of a gulp.

So instead of a three week, go for like three days, and maybe I'll get my own Airbnb.

Maybe I'll just take I'll take breaks. And I think it's hard because a lot of us are are not only are we socially conditioned into being people pleasers as gay and queer people, but we're also caretakers of our family and family members, or we were sort of the mediators, because that's sort of a natural role, or it can be.

So, yeah, I would just say, whatever the case, just like being okay with saying, okay, I'm just gonna do this much, this tiny bit. I'm gonna come for this day and this day, and then that's it.

And that can have, that can backfire. You know, I don't know if someone is listening to this, if they're saying to themselves, yeah, right, you, you know, you listen to what my dad would say to that, you know, or like, you try saying that to my mom.

Well, okay, but that's also that's part of learning how to set boundaries. And it's just, it's not easy. I'm not saying it like this is an easy thing.

It's been a very painful and difficult journey in my own life to learn how to set these specific boundaries. Okay, you know, I gotta take care of my health.

I'm just gonna be around for this much and this. I'm available for this, and that's it. I'm not available for anything else.

Rob Loveless

I think that's a great answer, and we've covered a lot of ground in this episode.

Gay Men’s Wellness (42:46)

Rob Loveless

So, as we're kind of coming towards the end here, I was wondering, can you tell us what your own personal definition of gay men's wellness is?

Peter DeWitt

Yeah, I just think it's an ethic, it's a, it's a lifestyle, it's a way of being, of making choices moment to moment that are trending and pointing towards a an internal sense of goodness, feeling good, feeling good in your body.

So, whether it's eating good food, relaxing your body through something, some kind of like therapy or like exercising your body, you know, and that, or like, you know, working your your mind and your emotions and working out your issues.

These are all things that point towards a feeling of wholeness and of goodness and what, and health, and on all levels, on mind, body, spirit. It's really, it's so I say, I think it's a lifestyle.

It's like brushing your teeth. You have to make, you have to make things habitual, so that, so that we have to make these things habitual, so that we don't make other things habitual that are escapist and that are like numbing, and that are ways of escaping, and, you know, avoiding the pain and the suffering.

We all have pain. We all have suffering. So, you know, it's, it's a lifestyle of choosing, you know, moment to moment, things that are better for us.

And by the way, I'm not, I'll be 100%, I'm not like Mr. Wellness over here, like I am not. Like I, I do like to have a few drinks every now and then, I just, you know, I'll have a smoke every now and then.

I don't really smoke regularly or drink regularly, but, like, you know, I, I'm not, I'm not like, Mr. Perfect, clean club, clean cut wellness.

But I do try to, you know, check all, all the boxes that I can around, you know, I go to therapy a lot. I do my yoga, I exercise, I meditate every morning, 30 minutes.

You know, I, I have a lifestyle that is the found, the foundation of it is something that creates that sense of wholeness and well-being so.

Episode Closing (44:53)

Rob Loveless

And connecting it back to the tarot, The Chariot, again, it's indicating that we're about to move forward to the next phase of our life.

But we can't just leap haphazardly forward without thinking of where we're going to land.

We really need to be intentional with what we want to achieve, where we want to go, and we need to create an action plan to do that.

So, as it relates to today's episode, Gay Wellness is a hub for all sorts of resources that can benefit our well-being and everybody's unique and has different needs.

So, if you're looking to do something to take care of your emotional well-being, really take an opportunity to reflect on what you need and what you're hoping to achieve, and then utilize resources online, whether it's Gay Wellness or blog posts or podcasts or whatever.

Use that to connect with the resources that can help improve your emotional well-being and help you move to a state where you feel healthier emotionally.

Connect with Peter (45:39)

Rob Loveless

So, Peter, thank you so much for joining today. I really appreciate the insights you brought.

Can you tell listeners how they can get involved with or support Gay Wellness, whether as clients, practitioners, or advocates?

Peter DeWitt

Thanks for asking. Follow us on Instagram. Jump on the site, poke around. Read the blog. We got more than 200 blog articles on there written by practitioners.

You know, jump on the newsletter. We send it out once a month. Book a practitioner. You know, try someone out. A lot of them offer free consultations.

And if you're a practitioner and you're wanting to, you know, get more clients. Get better quality clients. You know, we hope we can be here for you, and we look forward to connecting.

So that's what I would say.

Rob Loveless

And definitely go check out Gay Wellness.

Connect with A Jaded Gay (46:32)

Rob Loveless

And you know the drill for us. You can send any comments or feedback about the episode to rob@ajadedgay.com Please remember to rate, review, and subscribe. I greatly appreciate it.

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Mmm-bye.