120. Queer As In...

Snarky Opener (0:00)

I'm here. I'm queer. I'm tired. Please leave me alone.

Episode Introduction (0:24)

Hello my LGBTQuties, and welcome back to another episode of A Jaded Gay. I'm Rob Loveless and today, I don't know if I'm a jaded gay, but I'm a tired gay.

Like not just tired, exhausted. So, grad school started up last week, and I've been trying to be a little studious Stewart, trying to get all my work done ahead of time.

Trying to get everything done, like, a week in advance, so that way I'm ahead of the schedule. And overall, the week was pretty good. I feel like I'm understanding the courses, which is good.

I'm getting all the work done. I'm feeling smart like Elle Woods in Legally Blonde when she decides to kick butt and that song's playing in the background, and she like, just turns around law school, and she does an amazing job.

That's what I'm trying to manifest here. But I guess I didn't realize how tired I was from, you know, podcasting, working, doing grad school, going to the gym, cleaning my house, all these things, because Friday night, I fell asleep on the couch at like eight and woke up at 8:30.

So, then I went upstairs and went to bed and I slept until 10:30 the next morning. So that's like 14 hours of sleep. And never in my life, not even when I was a teenager going through puberty, I never slept like that.

So, I mean, I feel okay, but then Saturday just kind of put me a little bit behind schedule. I usually like to get my day started pretty early, so waking up at 10:30 I just felt a little rushed. But nevertheless, I persevered.

I went through my lectures, I did the discussion boards and the assignments, and all the things. And I did it with a Dunkin Pumpkin coffee in hand because it is officially fall.

I mean, in my mind, like, I consider mid-August to be fall, and I'm ready for pumpkin coffee as soon as it becomes August 1.

But obviously, it's not actually fall, August 1, and it tends to be very hot still, which, like, I just want it to be cool. I want the leaves to fall. I want the seasons to change.

I'm ready for, like, spooky Halloween. But we're getting there.

Bonus Episode (2:10)  

And if you're like me and can't wait for spooky season, don't worry, I have a little treat for you for this month's bonus episode. Super excited for this.

As you may know, back in 2022 I published a book called Eleftheria, which is like an LGBTQ+ supernatural thriller. So, I thought for this month's bonus episode, what I would do is read a few chapters from the book.

Not in chronological order, because there's a lot of moving parts in the book that kind of connect different characters together, but more of the spookier chapters.

But I wanted to take it a step beyond just reading chapters to you. So, I actually reached out to my friend Ralph Anthony, who you might remember from last year's Halloween special episode, to help out with some of the editing for that.

And as you probably remember, Ralph Anthony was the host of The Scream Queer Podcast, which is now The Scream Society. It is such an amazing podcast. I love it. New episodes are out every Tuesday.

So, first thing in the morning when I'm at the gym, I'm listening to The Scream Society. And I was just telling him that this past week's episode, I was literally getting chills at the squat rack.

Like I'm trying to get in a good leg workout, but also, like, shaking slightly from the terror of the episodes in the best possible way. Can't recommend it enough.

But he did an amazing job editing this bonus episode for me. It is, I mean, I wrote the book so I know what happens, but I was still getting chills listening to it, and I'm like, oh my God, what's gonna happen next?

So, if you're not supporting the show on Patreon, I highly recommend you do that. I've included the link to the bonus episode in the show description, so check it out afterward.

Also, go check out Ralph Anthony. Follow him on Instagram. Check out The Scream Society. Support his podcast. It is amazing. You're gonna love it. It's like a mini horror movie every week.

So, check it out, and I hope you enjoy.

Queer (3:48)  

Anyway, from screaming queers to just plain queer today, we are talking about how the word queer came to be.

As you might remember, back in 2022 we talked about the origins of the F word, you know the one, it rhymes with maggot, along with the history of how it became a slur thrown at gay people, to how some in the LGBTQ+ community reclaimed the word.

So today I wanted to take a similar look at the word queer, especially since it's more commonly used as an umbrella term for all members of the LGBTQ+ community.

So, we're going to dive into that. But first, you know the drill, let's pull our tarot card.

Tarot (4:27)  

So, the card we drew for this episode is the Four of Cups in reverse. Cups is tied to the element of water, which is reflective of our emotions. And you can think of our emotions flowing freely like water.

It's feminine energy, so it's asking us to reflect and meditate. And in numerology, the number four is tied to structure, stability, and our foundation.

And when we draw the Four of Cups in reverse, it's indicating a refusal to change. Specifically, we may be unsatisfied with our current situation, and as a result, we may have a deep attachment to the past.

For example, think of when you go through a breakup. You may try to hold on to those feelings that person brought you because we have a natural tendency to remember the good things.

However, we might not remember all the times that person hurt us that may actually outweigh the good times with them. So, we don't want to let ourselves get trapped in nostalgia to distract us from the present.

While we may not be happy in our current situation, we need to put in the work to move on. But again, the Suit of Cups is asking us to reflect on what we need.

So, take the time to honor the past, but remain focused on the future. Nobody's going to fix our situation for us.

We need to advocate for ourselves, and if we want to change a situation, we need to be the one to initiate that change. And remember, change comes from within and from our own inspired magic.

So, with that in mind, let's kick off the episode with a little history lesson.

The History of Queer (5:55)

According to the Online Etymology Dictionary, the word queer started out as a Scottish adjective in the 1500s meaning strange, peculiar, odd, and eccentric.

Although there is a possibility that it's derived from queer of the Brunswick dialect of Low Germany, meaning oblique and off-center. And this is related to the German word quer? Quer, quer, quer?

I don't know. I'm, I'm just assuming, it's Q-U-E-R, so I'm just going to say quer. I don't speak German. But anyway, that meant perverse or odd.

By 1740, queer was used in a colloquial sense of being, quote-unquote, open to suspicion, doubtful as to honesty.

And by 1781 its meaning shifted to the more recognized definition of appearing, feeling, or behaving otherwise than as usual or normal.

Queer began being used as a verb around 1790 meaning to puzzle, ridicule, deride, or cheat. And in the 1800s, we see this connotation with the word appear in slang.

Around 1811, queer street was used as an imaginary place where persons in difficulties and shady characters lived. And in 1812, queer as a noun refer to counterfeit money.

Also, around this time as a verb, it meant to spoil or ruin. By 1859, the phrase to shove the queer around was used to describe passing counterfeit money.

So, from the get-go, there was never really a positive association tied to queer. But then in 1922, queer becomes used for homosexual. And queer as a noun is begun to be used.

What Does Queer Mean? (7:28)

And today, queer as an adjective has several definitions, according to Merriam-Webster. Firstly, it means differing in some way from what is usual or normal or being eccentric and unconventional.

And it notes that the second group of meanings is sometimes considered disparaging and offensive. And these are:

·       Of, relating to, or characterized by sexual or romantic attraction to members of one's own sex

·       Of, relating to, or characterized by sexual or romantic attraction that is not limited to people of a particular gender identity or sexual orientation

·       Of, relating to, or being a person whose sexual orientation is not heterosexual and/or whose gender identity is not cisgender

·       Of, relating to, or being a person whose gender identity cannot be categorized as solely male or female

·       And lastly, of, relating to, or being a person whose gender identity differs from the sex the person was identified as having at birth

And Merriam-Webster includes this information regarding the usage of queer:

"The adjective queer is now most frequently applied with its meanings related to sexual orientation and/or gender identity as outlined at sense to above. When these meanings were developing in the early 20th century, they were strongly pejorative, echoing the negative connotations of the word's older meanings, which included weird, suspicious, and unwell.

But the adjective today is commonly used as a positive or neutral self-descriptor and also has wide use as a neutral, broad descriptor for a large and varied group of people. The term is also prominent as a neutral term in academic contexts that deal with gender and sexuality. Current neutral and positive uses notwithstanding, the word's long history of pejorative use continued into the current century, and some people still find the word offensive in any context."

Now moving on, as a noun, Merriam Webster defines queer as a person who is gay, lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, or otherwise not heterosexual, or a person whose gender identity is nonbinary or differs from the sex they had or were identified as having at birth; a genderqueer or transgender person, or a person who is not cisgender.

They also note that this is sometimes considered disparaging and offensive, and say:

"While the noun queer is used as a neutral or positive self-descriptor, it has a long history of pejorative use and is likely to be considered offensive when used by someone who does not identify as queer."

And queer is also included as a verb, meaning to consider or interpret something from a perspective that rejects traditional categories of gender and sexuality, or to make or modify something in a way that reflects one's rejection of gender and sexuality norms.

So, with that all in mind, let's focus more on how queer was used as pejorative slang.

Queer As Pejorative Slang (10:21)

According to the Columbia Journalism Review, queer as a noun meaning homosexual, was first used by the Marquess of Queensberry in 1894, which obviously contradicts the Online Etymology Dictionary's claim that this noun version of the word began in 1922.

So, a little discrepancy there. However, from what I was able to understand, the Marquess of Queensberry is a title held by members of the Douglas clan in Scotland.

And as we talked about earlier, the word queer started out as a Scottish adjective in the 1500s meaning strange, peculiar, odd, and eccentric. So interesting, little parallel there.

And expanding upon this, the National Archives explains that this use of the word queer appeared during the 1895 trial of queer legend Oscar Wilde. And this trial is really interesting.

Now, I'll be honest, I know the name Oscar Wilde, but I don't know that much about him. So, I wanted to do a little digging into this.

According to History.com, in 1891, Wilde began an affair with Lord Alfred Douglas, a young British poet and aristocrat who was 16 years his junior. And Lord Alfred Douglas's father was the Marquess of Queensberry.

The Marquess was furious and tried to expose Wilde by leaving a calling card at the private Albemarle Club in London that said, "Oscar Wilde posing sodomite."

And during this time, homosexual acts were illegal. So, Wilde attempted to sue the Marquess for libel. 

And during this trial, a letter from the Marquess of Queensberry was read aloud in court where he referred to Wilde and other homosexual men as "snob queers."

Which, it's kind of serving. Like, maybe we should put that on a T-shirt.

Anyway, I'm not going to go into the specifics of the remainder of the trial and Wilde's life, but he was eventually convicted of gross indecency and received two years of hard labor in prison.

During his sentence, his health declined, and he was later released in 1897 and then spent the last three years of his life exiled in France.

Given the publicity and notoriety around this trial. It's believed that queer as a slur gained popularity. American newspapers in particular picked up the word and adopted it themselves.

Interestingly enough, though, in 1914 the Concise New Partridge Dictionary of Slang listed queer as slang for homosexual.

But it noted that it was, and this is a quote, "derogatory from the outside, not from within."

And the Columbia Journalism Review suggests that this was a hint that it was being embraced as a self-description, even then.

Reclaiming the Word Queer (12:52)

Fast forward to the 1960s and 70s, we see the civil rights, sexual liberation, and gay liberation movements.

According to The Conversation, sexual and gender minorities fought for equal rights and promoted new ways of being in society during this time.

Gay liberationists began reclaiming the word queer with chants such as "out of the closets, into the streets" and singing, "We're here because we're queer."

Then between the late 1980s and early 1990s, there was greater adoption of the word queer in the spirit of gay pride. In the late 80s, the AIDS epidemic inspired a new wave of the gay rights movement.

And as we talked about way back when, in the Surviving Another Pandemic episode, the government largely turned a blind eye to the LGBTQ+ community during the AIDS pandemic.

So, the community largely had to advocate for itself and fight for research to be conducted to treat the disease.

In the early 1990s, gay was more commonly used to refer to gay men, and gay and lesbian were considered more respectful terms.

And later, the term LGBT was coined to be more inclusive of bisexual and transgender people. But also in the early 1990s, Queer Nation was founded as a radical organization to combat homophobes.

And some believe this is the first instance of the word queer being adopted as a positive self-label. And Queer Nation was actually an offshoot of ACT UP, which we did an episode on.

So, during this time, queer was used less as a synonym for gay and more so, as a political identity that challenged heteronormative and heterosexist beliefs.

And then, since the 2000s, queer has become an umbrella term to be inclusive of anyone not heterosexual.

But that being said, don't just assume you can refer to someone as queer unless they self-identify as that.

Especially for LGBTQ+ people of different generations, because queer can mean different things, so some may still view it as a slur.

Episode Closing (14:47)

So obviously that was a little bit shorter of an episode, but I still thought it was a pretty interesting history lesson about the origins of queer, especially since we do hear the word queer used more regularly now amongst the LGBTQ+ community.

And connecting it back to the tarot, the Four of Cups in reverse. It's telling us that we might be unsatisfied with our current situation, so we're holding on too tightly to the past.

And since the word queer saw its rise in popularity in the 80s and 90s as more of a political identifier, I think the tie into the tarot there is, you know, sometimes we tend to look back on simpler times when there might have been a more inclusive administration in office.

Or maybe even a time when we were just kind of discovering our own identity as gay men before we really realized how politics impacts that.

And we might have even been a little ignorant, and you know what they say, ignorance is bliss. We were just enjoying our lives being young gay men, going to clubs, trying to find guys to date, not realizing how much hate there still is out there.

And especially as we're going through another very tumultuous political season, you know, I think it's easy to get trapped in that sense of nostalgia, or, you know, even wanting to give up and not wanting to push forward.

You know, we want a different situation for ourselves. We want a more equal society. But sometimes it's not that we don't want to take the action for that, but we just feel tired.

Dealing with a heterosexist society on a day-to-day basis, knowing that our rights are up for grabs every four years, seeing an increase in homophobic speech and anti-LGBTQ+ legislation, it's exhausting.

So, we need to honor all these things that we're feeling and really take the time to make sure that we're rested, that we're taking care of ourselves, that we're nurturing ourselves, but we also need to look within to see what kind of action we can drive to change our outcomes for the future.

And this isn't something that we have to do alone, either. We are a community, whether you refer to it as the LGBTQ+ community, the queer community, we are one.

We might have different gender identities, we may have different races and backgrounds, and different sexual orientations, but at the end of the day, we should be here supporting one another and lifting each other up.

And again, just like the tarot says, change comes from within.

So, we need to be the change we want to see within the LGBTQ+ community, supporting one another, so that way we can nurture a healthier community and one that can move forward together to really create impactful change for equality.

Connect with A Jaded Gay (17:00)

So as always, thank you so much for listening. Love to hear your thoughts on the episode. Please feel free to reach out to me rob@ajadedgay.com.

Let me know your thoughts on the word queer. Do you use it? Do you find it simple enough to use as an umbrella term? Do you find that there might still be some pejorative context with that? I'd love to hear your thoughts.

And while you're at it, please remember to rate, review, and subscribe to the podcast. I greatly appreciate it.

For more information on this episode, links to resources, blog posts, merchandise, socials, all that fun stuff, you can visit the website jadedgay.com.

You can also connect with a podcast on Instagram, TikTok, SoundCloud, and YouTube @ajadedgaypod. You can follow me personally Rob Loveless on Instagram @rob_loveless.

Also, don't forget, A Jaded Gay has been nominated for the LGBTQ+ category of the People's Choice Podcast Awards. So excited for that.

Thank you everyone out there for nominating the show and for voting. And the podcast award ceremony is coming up. It's going to be Monday, September 30, at 8 pm Eastern Standard Time.

You can stream it live on the podcastawards.com, so be sure to tune in and keep your fingers crossed for the show.

And lastly, if you're feeling generous, consider supporting the podcast on Patreon for as little as $1 a month.

That gets you instant access to episodes, ad-free, a day early, with exclusive monthly bonus content, like this month's very spooky bonus episode, which I love.

Again, shout out to Ralph Anthony. He is amazing. I know you're all going to love the episode. His editing is so next level, I can't even put it into words, but like, it's spine-tingling, you're gonna get chills.

You're gonna love it. Remember to support Ralph as well. You can follow him on Instagram @ralphanthonyyy, and that's with three y's at the end.

And you can follow The Scream Society podcast on Instagram @screamsocietypodcast. Definitely tune into those episodes every Tuesday. You're gonna love it.

And also, if you're scared of commitment, and you know, not ready to join Patreon, don't worry, I get it. 

You can also do a one-time donation for the podcast, any dollar amount, on Buy Me a Coffee. And both of those are @ajadedgaypod.

And remember, every day is all we have, so you gotta make your own happiness.

Mmm-bye.

Outtake (19:27)

I'm out of breath. That was a lot of of, relating to's, or beings.